Super Powers I’ve Gained By Leaving a Cheater

A chump writes to share about all the good things that have come into his life since leaving a cheater. He’s not meh yet, but getting there.

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Hey Chump Lady!

My Tuesday hasn’t come yet, but the pain has subsided. And I’m further away from the pit of sh*t I was thrown into and realized that it was right beside me for decades. My life has been turned upside down, my reality has been altered, and I’m working on a future that no longer represents what I ever imagined, Chump Lady and the army of chumps has helped me through this more than most any other resource.

I could write a novel on all the f*cked up things my FW has done, even post divorce. However, I wanted to write something different for those still in the midst of the most devastating pain of their lives to let them know some of the positives that come out of this experience.

YES! POSITIVES!

I know it’s hard to believe, but you may achieve some or most of these positives from finding out about and leaving your FW. Here it goes:

I’m no longer at risk of getting an STD from a FW anymore.

Think about that! The health savings, the mystery, the potential life threatening consequences.

After this experience, I spot deception, manipulation, lies, and toxic people almost immediately now.

It’s like getting the glasses from the movie “They Live.” My body and mind warn me almost immediately about sketchy people and situations. It’s a blessing and a curse, but in the long run, I think it will be a blessing to spot bad actors quickly.

I’ve lost people in my life and I’m realizing that’s for the good.

Once I started putting up boundaries and standing up for myself, I quickly have found out who cares about respecting my boundaries and who takes them as suggestions. People who care have respected my boundaries, people who have ignored have been weeded out organically. I’ve realized I should have had them out of my life a long time ago.

I have found a sense of radical self reliance.

My safety and future were shattered by this experience, when the person I trusted most in this world betrayed, lied, deceived and threatened me. I have come to fortify myself, realizing that I’m the only one responsible for my future safety and sanity. I’m doing everything in my power so that I can chart my own path to succeed or fail on my own terms, not someone else’s whims, threats, or character flaws.

Fear and frustrations have been put into perspective.

I’ve learned that the things that would cause fear and anxiety in me before finding out about my spouse’s double life were nothing. Most of those things don’t even register now. Once you go through this, you have gone through one of the most devastating things ever. If I can make it through something that wounded me so deeply, I can get through most anything else life can throw at me. I literally laugh at some of the fears I use to have.

I recognize emotional baiting even more quickly now.

I’ve started to see, sense, and hear emotional baiting much more quickly now. Passive aggression, diversion tactics, and things people do to try to throw you off your game. Once the person you trusted the most in your life uses those tactics, it really doesn’t faze me now anymore when some stranger, salesmen, or co-worker tries it.

I notice when people are taking accountability for their actions.

Versus the ones that use word salad to avoid accountability. I have also started to see when people are avoiding accountability for mistakes. It reveals their character much more quickly how they handle hard situations.

It’s extremely painful when your past, present, and future are all put into question after finding out about a partner’s betrayal. It’s a devastating process to work through. You will lose a lot, but there are some positives to it — like losing a character deficient person who didn’t deserve you.

Hope this helps.

Happy Healing.

Chumpy McChumperson

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Dear Chumpy McChumperson,

Thanks for preaching the Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life gospel this morning so I don’t have to. I have no notes! Just congratulations on your new and improved life and life skills. I think you’re closer to Tuesday than you know.

CN, any superpowers you’d like to report? Can you relate?