The Greatest FW of Them All
The Friday Challenge is to add your cheater to the Greatest FW of Them All contest. Can they win the crown? Yes, we’re doing the Pain Olympics today.
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Sarah and I were recording a new podcast the other day and, as we are want, discussing f*ckwits. Sarah thought there should be a sliding scale of f*ckwittery. And I conceded that yes, some FWs are worse than others.
This was in the context of workplace affairs. Some cheaters are just opportunists and they’ll go for the nearest easy conquest. Whereas, some of these freaks are predators and should be in jail. We’re talking minors, people in vulnerable positions, flagrant abuses of power.
So, we thought we’d put it to you:
Who Is The Greatest FW of Them All?
The temptation here is to name celebrities and politicians, but we’ll have to keep it to your own personal sphere. (If you were married to a celebrity/politician and your NDA will let you, spill the tea!)
I did a version of this contest in the early years of the blog and the winner — hands down — was a FW who stole his children’s piggy bank money to take his mistress to Disney World. The very same destination those kids had been saving up to go to.
Game over. I had people from Disney writing to me to comp this woman a vacation and she wouldn’t take it, out of pride or humility, or something. But geez. The FW bar has been set VERY high. I’ve never run that contest again.
But Sarah wants to. So, tell me your awful stories, CN. But do write around the Google sensors please! FW for f*ckwit, try euphemisms like “paid girlfriend” or “seggs addiction”. (I hate it too, but it’s the dystopian AI hellscape we live in.)
Better yet, leave us a voicemail!
These are always improved by your own inimitable telling, so you can leave us an anonymous message at SpeakPipe. Or at the Tell Me How You’re Mighty contact page.
The winner gets bragging rights, and (if I could only afford it) a life-time of therapy.
TGIF!
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Despite all of the horrible things that she was responsible for (and there were many), having read some of the stories told by members of CN here over the years, I don’t think that I can put Ex-Mrs LFTT forwards for the prize.
Ex-Mrs LFTT is not exceptional in any way (this will come as unwelcome news to her) even in her prowess as a Cheater ….. I mean, she was caught out by our 11 year old daughter. Youngest daughter (then 11) had had her suspicions for nearly a year before she discovered Ex-Mrs LFTT’s texts to her AP on an iPad that Ex-Mrs LFTT had synched her iPhone to. The rest (give or take a huge legal bill, 95% of the equity in the house that we owned and nearly a quarter of my pension pot) is history.
But, if you really want to know the category that she might be competitive for an award in, it would be for “Lying to your Legal Team and getting found out.” She really excelled in this category … to the point that, following one particularly egregious episode in Court where she lied about a loan that she had taken out without my knowledge, but which she claimed that I was still responsible for, her Barrister was heard to refer to her as “That Blo*dy Woman.”
I do not miss her, not even one bit.
LFTT
FW narcopath would undoubtedly be a semi-finalist although perhaps not win the crown.
Decades long secret por* habit, serial cheating and very substantial financial abuse. In hindsight realizing when i was caring for disabled child after surgery FW was off to the strip mall escorts Exposed our family to bunny boilers and ultimately extortion schemes by the hohoho criminal madame cum side pieces. Considering A fatal accident for me. Criminal activities I suspect cannot prove beyond the above list.
Once during D he stole $100 out of teen’s account even though he’s a rich mofo because he was throwing a pity party for himself. Tried to blame it on the bank ROFLMAO!
During his Thanksgiving week of custody time no fun plans for kids then FW lied to them he had urgent work trip, dumped them on me early, then secretly went to tropical resort with latest gold digger.
Mine was garden-variety, textbook FWittery, but the CN stories that leave my jaw hanging open are the ones where she cheats during chump’s cancer treatment or where he cheats while chump is pregnant.
My cheater perhaps cannot be entered for the top prize, despite all the forms of abuse I was subjected to during my 29 years of marriage and the sheer awfulness of having me HOST the OW overnight TWICE – cooking and setting up the guest bedroom for her while he grinned like the Cheshire cat at the dinner table, sitting between the two of us.
But if there was a top prize in a subcategory for being a Jesus cheater in full-time overseas ministry and *getting away with his affair and abuse of me*, he would win I think.
He replaced me with a younger woman from the very country we dedicated our life and young family to serve almost before the ink was dry on our divorce. He is STILL in a high leadership position in that ministry and flaunts his new Asian bride in his fundraising endeavors in ways that are sickening. And people buy it and faithfully support their ministry. That takes a certain kind of charm and deception which is off the charts.