Did Cheater and the Affair Partner Break Up?
Not that this should matter one whit to your recovery, but did your cheater and their affair partner break up?
Maybe they’re still together. Maybe it blew up instantly or over years. If you’re wise, you have no idea because you have zero contact with FWs.
The Friday Challenge question is: Did your cheater break up with Schmoopie?
I bring this up because my podcast co-host Sarah reports that her ex-husband and father of her four children — who left them for his affair partner — has now, 13 years later, been dumped.
You’ll never guess how the sad sausage reacted.
- This is all, very, very hard on him.
- He wants sympathy from the children he abandoned.
- He moved in with his mother.
The poor man. Meanwhile, he sends missives to Sarah about how proud he is of the kids’ accomplishments. (One son was just accepted to a prestigious medical school.)
Yes. The kids he didn’t raise or pay any support towards.
You can hear more about the tragic case of Sarah’s ex in our upcoming podcast. But meanwhile, we’d love to hear your stories. If your ex and Schmoopie’s twu luv went splat, leave us a voicemail.
Or tell me in the comments.
Remember: IT DOESN’T MATTER.
This is an amusing exercise for all you karma fans. But never make your healing contingent on what happens to your ex and Schmoopie(s). Just get on with your life. Their punishment is being them.
I didn’t get a karmic happy ending in my story and my life reordered itself just fine. I have no idea if my FW is still with his main OW. They live far away from each other, but geography never stopped him. And she wasn’t the only OW. He did seem to line up a new sucker wife. An unknowing innocent.
I sincerely doubt he’s a better person these days (I suspect he’s a sociopath). I’m just glad he’s far, far away from me.
But if you have a satisfying twu luv went splat story, lay it on us.
TGIF!
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My FW has broken up with his GF no less than 4 times during our long divorce process. These were hollow empty attempts at proving his devotion to me and his deep longing for me to take him back.Each time I told him no and each time he went right back to her and she actually took him back each time. I suppose he spun a sad tale about missing her and needing her in his life.I can only imagine what he told her about why our divorce took so long. A friend asked me why I did not share all of the e mails and texts from him begging me to take him back. Very simple- he deserves to be with a partner he does not love or respect. That’s the Karma bus. If they broke up, this 65 year old manchild would never leave me alone.
Yes, it can’t be a stable relationship, period. So let it develop its own cracks!
Interesting that Sarah’s FW just got dumped after 14 years. This year my FW told our (now 20 year old) son that schmoopie moved out and left him after 11 years. I had completely reached meh years ago (FW left us in 2015 and I was crazed enough to get a divorce in one year). I honestly didn’t care at this point whether they lived happily ever after or not, but it was so weird. FW & AP apparently bought a condo together a couple of years ago. And FW is currently still squatting in it. But I can’t help but wonder… did AP really “just” leave in June? Or were they broken up a long time before and FW finally was ready to let our son and his family know? FW never let our son visit them (not for 6 years — and they were only 2 miles away). His family (the ones I still was in touch with) would say they didn’t see AP for at least 5 years. She stopped going to any family things on his side years ago. How did it end? Did she finally realize he’s a lying, useless a$$ that everyone hates and can never hold a job? Their politics completely clashed — how did they even last more than a year? Schmoopie was fully complicit in breaking up our marriage. She really thought she won the prize lol. Or maybe she just got with someone else. I have no idea. I don’t think they ever married — although FW bragged to me about their impending marriage just months after DDay (while FW and I were just starting our divorce and AP was only separated from her husband). Just weird. I only care that my son is ok in all of this.
2 miles away and he never let his kids visit?!?! That is really strange.
Cheaty McLiarface was told by the talk prostitute (therapist) that he needed to end his “really good friendship” with Joyful Jil during our wreck-on-silly-a-shun. He reported later that it “made her sad.” Now that I’ve set Cheaty free to pursue his bliss, I do hope that he has apologized for breaking up with her because his mean misguided wife insisted. I hope they explore their unrequited love that has endured three decades. Will a sad breakup come later when she realizes that he’s a manipulative liar? Don’t know, don’t care.
Mine evidently recently broke up with the OW more than 9 years after DDay. She owns (inherited) the condo they were living in and gave him one weekend to move out because she had found someone else. He begged me to cosign on a parking space in a 55+ RV park because his credit is so shot that he couldn’t get an apartment lease (reply: “no”). He was facing living in his truck without options for housing but in the end, she allowed him to stay in the condo and she moved in with her new Schmoopie (amazing, cheaters cheat?!) and he is now her tenant. He is now a 56-year old divorced dad with no contact with his two children, renting an apartment from his 29-year-old ex-girlfriend month-to-month. I love this for him!
The OW has one foot out the door after seven years, but is needed for part-time care following FW’s stroke.
Breakups are predictable with disordered people. The challenge is they are often accompanied by FW’s first expression of regret regarding the cheating. The regret might even be genuine, but you can’t un-ring a bell.
Is there anything healing in simply hearing the regret?
FW is in a miserable marriage with Schmoopie and that’s good enough for me.
It’s only been 4 months since DDay, and I haven’t been looking myself for months now, but I do know FW and Schmoopie were together as of two weeks ago. Because when I took the kids on a weekend trip, I got the male equivalent of the Hey Girly text from my neighbor, who saw them canoodling on our deck (we’re still living together because FW refuses to move out until the divorce is finalized). I told my neighbor they did the right thing in messaging me, but I already knew and wasn’t surprised.
Some slight bonus absurdity is that this neighbor’s wife used to work with FW and Schmoopie’s wife too. So not only did she recognize Schmoopie immediately, but she also told me she had heard rumors already about it. Apparently FW has been getting gossiped about to all of the women in our fairly small town too since she has no concept of discretion. Well that and the fact that since Schmoopie was her (now former) BFF’s husband, her friends aren’t exactly mincing words about it when asked either.
FW and AP married one year after D-day. What’s interesting to me is that they “eloped” on the one-year anniversary of what I considered the worst day of my life. That’s a little like having a Parade of Sail a year after the sinking of the Titanic.
But I digress.
I am blissfully NC, so I don’t know anything and don’t want to know anything! If, however, someone were to inform me that FW and wifetress were having a rocky go of it—or, better yet, that she was cheating on him—I have to admit that the little non-meh part of me would smile.
I’m even feeling a bit of vicarious schadenfreude for Sarah. Looking forward to the podcast 🍿.
I worked with a FW who remarried on his anniversary with wife #1, a marriage of 15+ years. Just weird…
Don’t know, don’t care. There were so many betrayal objects. Have too many better things to do.
No karma in my story, but it would be an interesting show to watch from my cheap seat in the chump peanut gallery.
FW and Married Howorker got together sometime during the last 3 years of our 40-year marriage — she was low hanging fruit, seeing as how she sat her wealthy azz in the office right next to his and he always picked the easy ones — but they were quite methodical about the timing of their official coming out. He dumped and divorced me first, and only after the ink was dry on our divorce (took 3 years after D-Day) did she do the same to her very successful attorney chump-husband (their divorce was somewhat quicker). Guess the lovebirds didn’t want it to look like a coordinated attack to the 5 adult children and 12+ grandchildren left behind between the two families. They got married within just a few months of her decree getting stamped by the judge, bought a $1 million McMansion in Kentucky (unless you live in Derby country, there can’t be too many of those around, right?), stocked their garage with a fleet of luxury cars, and bought a nice boat to cruise up and down the Ohio River (maybe the current price of diesel fuel is pinching them). After telling each of the kids that no inheritance will be coming their way, they started throwing serious money all over the place with the intention of spending every last cent before they croak.
Maybe their karma will look like them living waaaay longer than they predict and having to have their diapers changed while sitting in a Medicaid nursing home.
My situations was so classic that I’m sure to bore most of you with it. The married affair partner of my ex dumped her like a hot potato, on DDay. As soon as the affair was discovered, he was gone. Threw her under the bus. Told his wife that she meant nothing to him and let her know that.
It was somewhat pleasurable (can’t spell that German word for it) to see the ex realize she wasn’t “special.” Just another side piece. Her tru luv was not the great romance of the ages after all. She blew up a 10 year marriage with two young children to be the plaything of a man as hollow as she was.
Andrea
My whole experience was a long time ago but…
He was married to me for 18 years (and likely cheating here and there with work associates who didnt want an actual relationship but side-fun) before he fell for Schmoopie. He left us on the east coast to take a job (since there were “no jobs on the east coast”) in the west in the same area where OW was also working-but-not-living.
He swore up and down that they were over and did not see each other there. I couldn’t prove otherwise, so my heart chose to believe him (on some level) and overrode my brain (which kept trying to tell me that he was likely playing house with her.
After a year and a half of this, I was ready to move forward with a divorce and had decided to tell him the very next time he called. I picked up the phone and he said “Im coming home”. This is what I had prayed for, so thwarting it felt unnatural.
He came home all sadz and refused to discuss what happened promised to discuss it later (which of course never came). Cautionary tale: dont let them return home without setting your terms.
He never admitted that they saw each other there or why they broke up and we coasted like that for 5 years of raising kids together until he died (young und unexpected).
In his office crap, I found photos and mementos indicating they were together when he worked in the west. I also found proof that the explanations he gave be on D day were all lies. A few years later, I discovered more lies.
I tried to keep all this from my kids but very recently, my adult daughter came across the mother-lode of letters/ etc documenting the whole fiasco.
I think that OW broke up with Cheater because she wanted a financially comfy life and to start a family. He told wild tales of the comfy life he would set up for me when he left to start his new family…trouble was, he didnt have the money for 2 families and I think she figured that out.
About a million times, I have questioned myself about my decisions and how I navigated this whole thing. It’s a fruitless activity as the whole thing was like a rubic’s cube – one difference would have changed multiple things. (Like I regret sending my oldest son off to a university that cost too much but he had a child with a lovely women he met there who is the light of my life, so I would never wish him away.) Me and my kids have about as good life as we possibly could have had given the years we spent with an abusive covert narcissist.
Much of what happened remains in the fog, but my ex ran off to another state where an old girlfriend lived. She had periodically reappeared during our marriage of several decades, and at one point, when she called the house, I even got her full name and address. He began talking about her more and more as the marriage began to fall apart, and guess where he finally landed? Yes, in her metropolitan area.
Some months in, when negotiations kept stalling, his attorney told mine that it was an adultery case, confirming all of my suspicions. He also added that they really had nothing on me, which the attorney didn’t like. He talked about quitting because of the imbalance and because his client was mentally unstable and very difficult. My husband kept trying to power-over his own attorney, and his attorney wasn’t standing for that.
But we settled in a wild flourish, and I didn’t have to sit through an ugly trial with all of the details. I was fine with that. Given how unstable and seemingly lonely my ex was during closeout, my attorney and I assumed that he wasn’t paired up. My ex sent cards with checks to our kids with notes about reconciling with them because “he might not live much longer.”
But then the whole tenor changed, and he stopped contacting us. My adult kids and I figured he was in a long-term relationship. A relative of his confirmed that. Yes, I know he could reappear if that relationship crashes and burns, but probably not, given the history. It’s been years now. And as we say in the South, bless her heart! I can’t imagine that he’s a good partner, but whatever.
I discovered FW fell for a catfish romance scam, despite watching the show “Catfish” weekly and laughing at the people who were conned. He sent tens of thousands over the next two months til D-Day, when he left the bedroom laptop open to his email inviting her to move in with him. In about two minutes I reverse-searched “her” photos, which belonged to an Instagram hooker (they travel for sex), and not much longer to show him how “her” emails proved she was not from the US. For example, she wrote she was taking a bus from Arizona (southwestern US) to New York City (in the northeast), and that six hours after leaving Arizona, she was at a rest stop near Seattle (northwest) because it was a “very fast bus and made very few stops.” In reality, it takes 28 hours of non-stop driving by car, and the bus went 1500 miles in the wrong direction. I showed him similar inconsistencies and lies. He seemed to believe me, and demanded I (spouse of decades) console him because he had lost his “twu wuv.”
Months later, in the midst of divorce, I learned that FW was still hooked. He had his first (and last) visit with tween that was supposed to be “supervised” by a friend, who decided it was fine to let them take off in a car. FW made sure Tween saw his cellphone, which was left open to his texts. To the SCAMMER. He was still professing his love and begging for photos of the real her so they could continue their relationship–and simultaneously texting the Instagram hooker, offering his help to protect herself from the catfisher using her photos.
Tween used his own cellphone to take screenshots of FW’s texts.
Over the next two years, FW introduced friends to a succession of twu wuvs, introducing them all as “life partners” and “soul mates.” They all dumped him.
FW and howorker are getting married. I only know this because my 2 adult children that occasionally see him (DS more than DD other adult DD refused to tolerate his BS so he ditched her and her children) were incredibly upset about this and wanted to vent their disgust which I allowed them to do while remaining silent and just listening. He gave them both ‘save the date’ invitations. DD handed it back to him and let him know she would NOT be attending. He became sad sausage FW and declared that he and howorker had been together for over 7 years to which DD replied ‘funny that considering you were still married to AND living with my mother’. The meeting between them ended with DD leaving, she was quick with another remark on her departure, she turned to him and said ‘marriage hey, for you, how’d that work out because of you the last time’ ….. Yeah she’s got good snark. DS was distressed because because as he described it as a s#&t show of mask wearing. Sadly it is the gift that keeps on giving, slowly they are waking up to his shallowness and my heart hurts for my children. FW was in their life for a long time playing the part of daddy albeit with me having to be the protector at all times. They are damn fine people and I alone take credit for their awesomeness. As for me, well I really couldn’t give two f£@ks what FW and howorker are up to, 7 years ago, 6 years ago, 5 years ago maybe even 4 years ago that news would have spiralled me – not today.
Newbies it really does become an awesome life x
Yes they stayed together. They sailed off into the sunset and worked together to create massive gambling debt and subsequent bankruptcy. As much as he devasted me in real time, I am so blessed to have missed that.
I did feel when it all went down that she stole the future I had helped build. She didn’t. She/he created their own future and freed me to rebuild mine. I did good.
I view it the same. My ex was newly retired when the marriage shattered. That plunged our college kids and me into hard financial times because I had largely been a SAHM.
I figured it out, though, and am very likely better off than he is on multiple fronts.
#1 cheater is married to his Golds gym find (while I wss pregnant)35 years later.She won the prize of my children on weekends, the loyalty of my in-laws and a life with an angry complaining cheater.Grateful for her ability to hold on to her man, saving me years of additional heartache and lies. Also the illusion that I was loved.
#2cheater was dumped by his coworker after the HR investigation. Cheater found another ” love of his life ” on line from another country, and married her 7 weeks after our divorce was final. His last words were… he had not found another woman as good as me YET. Seriously..he was workimg on it when I filed.
He is remarried 3 years this month. Grateful that she keeps unstable Ex entertained and set me free. May this Union last so that he never seeks me back. No contact maintained