Tommy McCollister Cheated on His Wife and Became a ‘Marriage Coach’
Tommy McCollister, a Christian marriage coach who calls himself the “High Level Husband”, trades on having cheated on his wife. Which, if you’re the RIC, means your relationship is stronger for the dick wandering.
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Thank you to the alert chump who sent me this FW — Tommy McCollister. Sometimes people who haven’t been chumped think I’m making up the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. But, oh no, it’s a multi-headed sea monster. Constantly growing new monsters.
Tommy is of course a J*s*s Cheater.
Google AI censor bots won’t let me say it. So for those of you new to the blog, JC is short for Christ Our Savior Double Life Guy. That rolls off the tongue… Anyway, dude has a podcast.
“Host Tommy McCollister is an industry-leading marriage coach who takes a unique approach using personal development and faith. This podcast will cover all aspects of being and becoming a High Level Husband and Wife. No topic is off limits!!!
No topic is off limits except the specifics about his infidelity.
I mean really, it’s mystifyingly vague. I’ve spent all morning going down rabbit holes and asking Claude and ChatGPT for the particulars. And nothing has come up except that
Tommy McCollister acknowledged being unfaithful to his long-suffering wife Dianne.
In the TikTok below he says he cheated while they were dating. HUH? Sh*tty, but a totally different world of harm than wedded chumpdom. If this was some one-off decades ago, why would you build an entire business model on “healing” marriages and trade on your “brokenness.” (If brokenness isn’t RIC code for f*ckwit, I’m an ostrich feather-duster.)
Tommy constantly discusses rebuilding their marriage after his “unfaithfulness” without a timeline or details.
Like, was it one affair? 14? Men? Women? Goats? Were any live animals harmed in the making of videos?
What’s important is that Dianne never brings it up.
Hear that, ladies? If you want to be a good Christian unicorn, shut your piehole. Oh sure, you can ask. Tommy is contrite! He’s changed! He welcomes your questions! However, only he — as Christian Head of the Household — determines if you’ve “weaponized” those questions. Weaponization is wrong. So wrong in fact, we have a lot of commentary about the tone of your voice. The particulars of dick wandering, not so much.
If you can’t stomach watching this, here’s some pull quotes for you.
One of the awesome things about Dianne is she’s never brought it up in a defensive weaponized manner. She understood I was a broken man. She never threw it in my face. Not one time.
Tommy McCollister
Awesome!
Now they’re both at pains to follow the RIC script — Tommy had to show contrition. He gave himself to God. And CHANGED. (The particulars are again scant.) And she trusted that and gosh darn, we’re in a good place and it never comes up. So why even mention it?
This is what good helpers do.
It’s a two-way effort. Even though it was my mistake that happened of that.
Mistake. Singular. Tell me you’re a FW, Tommy, without telling me you’re a FW.
She still played a part in the team. See the Bible calls the wife a helper for the husband. And you were perfect at that.
I love the hierarchy here, Tommy. Did she call your dick an Uber? No, that was mean and weaponized of me. You’re trying to say she’s the strong one. Your god-given support animal. Your emotional labor mule. God gave man dominion over all the animals.
She is strong where I am weak. I needed a woman to call me higher, to lift me, to support me, to love me. Instead of BEAT ME DOWN.
I’m confused, Tommy. You had a woman to lift you, support you, and love you. Your wife. But then you needed another woman (man, goat, seggs robot) to lift, support and love you too? Does it take a village? Or you just need one wife after you’re broken to put you back together again? But… she couldn’t have kept you whole in the first place?
If it’s her job to keep you whole and she failed at it, because you broke (there was an affair), what’s to stop her from failing again? I mean, by your logic, women give you these amazing gifts — so it would stand to reason you need MORE lift, support, and love (HELP from the HELPERS!), not less.
I don’t think this is the stellar argument for reconciliation that you think it is.
We can talk about it. (Not really.)
now if she wanted to bring up things about it like details and questions, absolutely we could talk about those things but she never used it as a weapon. I just want to encourage women and men out there to never use it as a weapon, that we’re out here to help our spouse.
I’ve made a quiz. Tell me what’s an acceptable question, please. Weaponized or okay?
- What color were her shoelaces?
- Were the goats Nubian or Boer?
- Did you do your reconciliation homework for tonight’s joint penance session?
- Are her eyelashes prettier than mine?
- Do you love Jesus?
If you answered “weaponized” to all of these questions, you answered correctly.
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Who wants to bet he’s banned her from talking about it because he’s still cheating?
I’ve got $10 on “still cheating.”
Also who wants in on “this will come out within the next year and there will be a news story about it, during which he will re-brand”
And “wife will divorce him finally and not speak to the media.”
Tommy wants to believe anything other than that he’s a plain-old, garden-variety FW.
He calls her Babe. Which is my own personal FW-o-meter.
Yes, the classic nickname insurance to avoid accidentally calling his wife “Lulabelle” or “Trixie.”
…or “Michael” or “Gabriel”. My gaydar is going off with this FW.
That’s on brand for JCs.
That kind of women/wives are secondary and subject to men, no matter what the men might do, is why I stopped going to church–when I was a teenager. I could see the writing on the wall, and I wasn’t having it.
any religion that brands me as a born loser is no religion for me.
Oh Adelante, can’t you just gaze up at your man, smile and nod? What’s wrong with you? /s
😂😂😂
Another Cheater who cannot see the difference between being held to account for his choices by someone who has been harmed by those choices and thus has every right to hold him to account ….. and a personal attack.
Interestingly, Ex-Mrs LFTT’s father was a Cheater who absolutely would not tolerate any discussion about how his cheating harmed his wife and children. That’s who Ex-Mrs LFTT learned that the best way to avoid being held to account is to deny everything and to shut down any conversation about the impact of what she had done from. When I say that the apple did not fall far from the tree, I mean that she grew in his image as well as in his shadow.
LFTT
It takes a village to suck a d*ck? 🤣😂🤣😂😁☠️
In the photos she’s got that sad-tired, forced tight smile I recognize in some of my Pre D photos. Sad she is choosing to be used to by her FW to gaslight others into staying.
He’s surely a serial cheater and insufferable POS.
Christian men like to blather on about how men are the “leaders” and the “head of the home” and yet at every turn they say things like “I need a woman to call me higher”. If you’re the “head”, why are you admitting she higher and needs to pull you up to her level? Utter nonsense.
I see no genuine remorse here, just excuses and “get over it already”.
I hope his wife leaves him.
Alllll. The. Tiiiime. The JC FWs are constantly saying that!
Pick a lane guys. Either yall are the righteous Head of Household or you need the chump to “guide you to be the man you should be.” Can’t be both.
Notice that she says barely a word throughout this whole video. The message is clear — anything she says is out of bounds, so it’s best if she just stifles her whole self all the time.
Dianne, gurl — RUN! 🏃♀️
I originally saw this on Rick Pidcock’s Facebook page. He is was raised in ultra conservative Fundamentalist Independent Baptist church and went to college at Bob Jones University and worked as a worship music leader. So he saw the sausage being made in the back rooms. He managed to escape and now writes from this perspective. Our local IFB church had a scandal where the lead pastor’s son-in-law was having sex with young women in the congregation. The official response, “Why are you ruining his life by bringing this out in the open.”
What drives me nuts about this sort of teaching is how poorly the speaker understands grief and its role in healing. They immediately moralize the situation and “weaponize” it against the aggrieved party even going as far as calling them a “non-Christian” if they do not do “forgiveness” right. I find it ironic, actually. Cheaters are so worried about being “brow beaten” or the situation being “weaponized” that they weaponize forgiveness talk. It is a form of spiritual abuse, in my opinion.
💯
This jackhole even actually states — “if you’re giving me shade, then you’re giving god shade.” The absolute nerve of this guy.
Tommy = God. Simple.
It’s the arrogant elevation of themselves to the level of god. “If you give me shade, you give god shade!”
No, ja***ss. I’m just giving you shade.
They decide god forgives them, shield themselves with god, and decide they’re the only ones who speak to, and for, god. It’s creating an invisible, irrefutable, and all powerful justification for their actions. And because it’s something like god, it can’t be proven wrong. I forget what it’s called but there is a name for this sort of fallacy. It’s the same as when someone in an argument says “Well everyone agrees with me!” An invisible, intangible chorus of support that can’t be disproven and only has a voice through the lens of that person’s side. He’s doing that same thing here when he claims god forgives him and anyone who disagrees is disagreeing with god himself.
That video grosses me out. The way he dominates her with the arm around the shoulder, the way she looks up at him adoringly and nods at the camera, the way he does 100% of the talking in this slick salesman voice.
I unearthed an old social media post of me and FW talking to the camera and it looked almost exactly like this, with little extra put downs and sarcastic asides from FW sprinkled into the mix. I gamely laughed all the jokes made at my expense and smiled away. It’s so familiar it hurts.
There’s something else I find unnerving about him too, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.
> There’s something else I find unnerving about him too, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.
I ‘listened’ to this with the sound off – you might like to try it. He’s pulling all kinds of ‘persuasive’ faces, quite deliberately and implausibly, which add up to a great big pile of b*llox. I wouldn’t buy a 2nd hand fridge off the bloke. I’m a Christian, and he reminds me of a quote from a book I very much like (Spufford’s ‘Unapologetic’) – ‘selling the gospel like a van-load of meat on the turn’.
He even has a freudian slip in there: “even though I was the one cheated.” 😂 He meant “I was the one who cheated,” but his real feelings are right near the surface.
Yes! I saw that too. I had heard of the Streisand effect but something new to me was the Kinsley effect, which came up in a political confirmation hearing recently. I won’t get into politics but suffice it to say that “the truth always comes out”.
To be cheated on is to freeze and fawn until you Thaw. Reading this I just put my head down and cry for all of us who tried the RIC ways ( through I did not get the chance due to….
Lies) and find ourselves years later, hitting our last straw. Until then, I do pray for freedom from the chains my sisters are bound by..and their release from the fear of leaving.
Thanks for chiming in DM. Cheaters use this approach frequently. It is another form of DARVO. (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) They Deny they are the problem by Attacking in order to Reverse Victim and Offender. My cheater did this by telling me that she wanted to come back, but knew I would never forgive here. This rewrites history, skipping over her deliberate destructive choices and and focuses on speculation of future lack of forgiveness on my part.
Yes, she was a J***s Cheater.
Just so very ick. And horrid. The tight-lipped wife who smiles. The assumption that hierachy is biblical. Putting his bad behavior out there for all to see and leaveraging it into a supposed “ministry” on social media.
What about the husband who sets parameters that she’s maybe not allowed to break for the sake of the marriage? Can she even question him or call him on the carpet when it’s justified?
At one point, my supposedly religious, separated husband pointed out that it would be a wonderful testimony “to all” if we reconciled. But he also pushed relocating to a new place so we could start over without any of the baggage of the past. The thought of sitting on that baggage with possibility that it could explode again at any time horrified me. And he had been a pill addict for most of our marriage who quit and relapsed repeatedly, acting like there should be no consequence for that. He had a pattern of demanding that our kids and I ride the waves of whatever he wanted without complaint on multiple fronts. Yes, he was very hierachial.
I also didn’t like the thought of dragging all of the ugly out in the open with little hope of resolution. He claimed that we could bring it all out with each other, forgive it all, and then live like husband and wife again. But what about dealing with how this all came to be, and how could I ever trust him again? “Of course, you can trust me,” he said. But trustworthy husbands don’t run off to another state, obscuring how they spend their time there. They don’t have an old girlfriend in that metropolitan area or talk about other women while they’re gone. And what about all the hints of secrets he was keeping from me? “You’re mistaken, Elsie.”
I’m so glad I cut the cord and let the connection wither, even through a high-conflict divorce and closeout that eventually settled. My attorney told me at the beginning that I might truly see in the legal process how very little my STBX thought of me and our two college kids. That was so very right. I had no doubts in the end. We are so very much better off in every way on the other side.
Ugh, there was an influencer that always used to pop up in my feed that gave out “marriage advice.” I had to block him. When I found out he was a former cheater (after I blocked him), that made things make sense. I think what sent me over the edge was a skit where he imitates the wife being mad at the husband for saying he’d do the dishes, but didn’t do the dishes. He does this big thing about how “she should have talked to him about it.” Skit closes with the couple doing the dishes together (barf). Myself and several other women in the comments were like, none of this would be necessary if the husband had just kept his word and just washed the dishes in a timely manner like he said he would.
Washing up – my Mum would have said ‘what do you want – a medal?’
Looked him up, Jimmy Knowles.
Ewww. On so many levels.
And this sentence: “If you want to be a good Christian unicorn, shut your pie hole.” This has been my experience. Talking about infidelity/abuse – expressing one’s grief – disrupts the churchgoing status quo. I lost so many “Christian” friends. Most have stopped speaking to me, re-embraced the AP (she still attends the church), re-embraced my ex. The message conveyed to me was “shut your piehole.” It’s easier for them to “extend mercy” and pull away from my family’s crisis. And I imagine it’s easier to reembrace AP/ex bc AP/ex would rather move forward like they didn’t just blow up two homes. The silence of my church has been almost as bad as the double betrayal.
A personal excerpt to prove that with or without the JC spin, they’re all singing from the same hymnal.
Cheaty: If we love this person and believe that this person is generally a good person, we have an obligation to guide them to be better and forgive them when they fail.
Translation: Even though I am referencing a generic third party, am I talking about your mother? Or maybe the neighbor who ran over your pansies and never apologized. Anyway, you clearly had an obligation to know when I was lying and cheating because it was your responsibility to guide me to embrace the good parts of myself that wanted to be honest and loyal and redirect the bad part that delighted in the deception. Oh, and endlessly forgive me when I chose to fail… repeatedly.
“If you’re throwing shade at me, you’re throwing shade at Christ”.
Are you f*cking kidding me! Who on G*d’s green earth believes this garbage? He’s trying to trigger the sheep.
Thank you, CL, for finding the cheaters. I was laughing at the videos of attorney Nathaniel Cullerton last week (Coldplay Jumbotron 2.0) but that’s well publicized and I appreciate this more.
I hope this link will work . . .
https://bsky.app/profile/mrsbettybowers.bsky.social/post/3ms6ucro6qk2k
If someone cheats while you’re dating, run.
You definitely aren’t his helpmeet or one flesh or whatever Bible guilt trip the cheaters bring to the party before marriage.
My guess is that he’s still cheating – but has set up a lovely catch-22. If she says anything, she loses whatever income the podcast makes. Stay silent and she trades money for looking like she’s a hostage trying not to be killed.
I’m so over “coaches.” It’s basically a code word now for “uncredentialed grifter.”
Another entitled “minister” who can’t take the consequences for his behavior. This is an epidemic in churchy circles nowadays. After my JCFW gave me an STD and I divorced him, I continued going to church (talk about hopium) where the “pastor” proclaimed one morning to the men on Father’s Day, “If you’re thinking about committing adultery, go ahead and do it, you can get forgiveness afterwards.” (exact words) This wasn’t a joke; this is how many “leaders” believe. McCollister isn’t the exception, he’s the norm. Dianne deserves so much better, but he keeps her beaten down so she doesn’t realize she can leave at any time. I hope she gets out alive.