Revenge on Suspected Affair Partner Ends in Arrest
In If It Feels Good Don’t Do It news, a Florida woman was arrested for throwing a bucket of poop on a woman she suspected of having an affair with her husband.
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I think many of us could cop to temporary insanity after D-Day, but it’s always worth remembering the CN adage: “If It Feels Good Don’t Do It.” Revenge scenarios are best left in your head, or vented anonymously to an online support community. Act on it?
You could wind up in jail.
That’s what happened to Yirsi Esperanza Machado Rivera.
A Florida woman is facing charges after deputies say she threw a bucket of feces onto a neighbor she accused of sleeping with her husband.
Yirsi Esperanza Machado Rivera, 50, was arrested on charges of burglary and battery after she allegedly threw a bucket of feces onto her next-door neighbor over a suspected affair, according to the Miami-Dade Sheriff’s Office.
“So, this is an interesting case. She thinks the neighbor is having relations with her husband, so she pushes her way into the victim’s house and then throws poop on the victim, a bucket of poop,” said Judge Mindy Glazer during the suspect’s bond court hearing.
You know, as transgressions go, a bucket of (slop) isn’t as damaging an STI. Or permanent trust issues. Ms. Rivera isn’t crazy for being angry about being betrayed. She’s wrong for sh*tting in a bucket and acting on it.
The crazy, jealous woman framing is revealing.
News reports say a “suspected affair.” I think it’s more likely that a woman driven to revenge discovered an actual affair. Sure, Ms. Rivera could be deranged and irrational. But given how common cheating is, the gaslighting that goes with it, and the proximity of this neighbor, I doubt the bucket victim was a random stranger.
Add in Ms. Rivera’s economic vulnerability — she lives in a Florida trailer park — I see a woman living on the margins who lost it. The media is playing this story for laughs as clickbait. In line with the whole Florida Man trope. But underneath, is a real person suffering from harmful, common misconceptions about infidelity. Like, for starters:
The husband is no prize.
If anyone deserves to be a target of this particular bucket challenge, it’s Mr. Rivera. I’m not saying affair partners are innocent. I’m saying NEVER pick me dance. Fighting over a cheater, through revenge or whatever, is losing. There is no treasure to defend. The only winning move is to walk away. And I doubt Ms. Rivera has the resources to walk away, or afford bail.
I wish instead she would’ve gone to a women’s shelter before f*cking her life up further by attacking an affair partner.
Revenge is centrality.
The Other Woman is now legitimately a victim, an object of sympathy. The wandering dick husband feels fought over. And the biggest loser is the chump. Who in one brief, delusional moment felt she had some agency and was delivering justice (in a bucket), only succeeded in screwing her life up more.
Instead of covering the AP in sh*t, leave her to win the turd. The damage is far more lasting.
The best revenge is a better life without them.
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Yes, the best revenge is indeed making a new life without them. Getting there is so very hard, but way better than tolerating their garbage or going to jail. Close the door and move on.
I’ve shared here before that my wonderful attorney once asked if I had ever considered ending the life of “the boy” (his term). Well, yes, but I stopped it there. I’m not that type.
He said, “Good. It makes the case so very complicated.” He laughed. I laughed.
This poor lady will likely get a few years in prison, at most, but her life is ruined. And he gets to continue his bad behavior.
No, not worth it.
I think it is time for a piece offering to both the AP and her wandering husband. Perhaps a special chocolate pie?
Haha, she needs all “the Help” she can get.
I see what you did there! 🙂
I think most chumps handle a horrible situation really well. I also think most folks who have no clue the damage a chump takes on on many levels, if we were able to put all that on them for just a week, they would buckle under the pressure and pain.
Quite frankly I am not talking about rich couples who have endless resources, and live a different life than most of us. I am talking about rank and file chumps who live week to week and are already struggling, then they get hit with major emotional, physical, financial and health risk betrayal.
I am just glad I was raised to think things through before acting, even given that it was hard not to act on some thoughts.
You were lucky to be raised well. My mother had borderline personality disorder and thus overreacted to every perceived slight. I dont know where I got the sense to act like a reasonable person.
Chumps! Don’t! As well as “If it feels good don’t do it” please add “If you think infidelity is hard wait until you get a load of prison.”
Exactly. Years ago, before I took a job across the country and eventually married, I went to a maximum-security penitentiary monthly with Prison Fellowship, serving on a team that did a chapel service.
There was a lovely grandpa-type who I enjoyed talking to afterward. He was wise and kind. He hinted at surviving some horrible violence inside before finally establishing himself. He was upbeat and hopeful about life, mentioning that he had been there for quite a while and had more on his sentence.
Several years in, he shared with me that he had murdered his wife and his lover in bed decades before. He said he had fully processed it, made amends with his children and relatives, and was doing his best to live a productive life. He told me that anger will get you into all kinds of bad places, so watch out for it. I thanked him.
I don’t remember his name, but I hope he got out at some point and did OK.
I’m not saying it’s right, but I am saying I get it!
Yep, I think anyone who has been chumped understands the trauma response and anger.
Ladies, this Chumplady advice to allow the schmoopie to have the FW, to win the sparkly turd, doesn’t always apply. Sadly, there are legions of OW who willingly engage in adultery not because they want to keep your wandering partner, but because they want the thrill of sneaking around, making a sexual conquest, and diminishing the luster of happily married women. Google them: mate poachers, women who target married men, etc, etc, ad nauseam. Its a fetish. Chances are, she doesn’t want to win him; what she wants is to smirk at you as you pass her in the hallway at your place of employment or at your church or in the market place. Those women, they deserve the bucket of feces poured on their heads. Sadly, most of us won’t do it. I know Chumplady’s advice and the prevailing wisdom, but oh, I admire the Betty Brodericks of this world and I admire the bucket lady too. I should have been so brave.
And what of “sugar babies,” young women who are open about their money for “companionship” relationships and even take pride in them (note the cutesy name)? Think their “sugar daddies” are all single?
It’s best to keep these things as fantasies. It really is better to leave them be to suffer the consequences of their own actions. Don’t be the third leg of the “stool” holding up their relationship.
My go-to friend, the one non-therapist who I talked to prior to confronting my now ex-husband, told me to expect that he would want to protect the AP. She was right; he did. So when he said that he didn’t want the AP to be called out by name I said, “I don’t care who she is – she could have been anybody”. The person who he cheated with was irrelevant – she had nothing to do with our vows – and if it wasn’t her, it would have been with someone else.
In other words, the two people who look idiotic in stories like this are the wife and the AP. The cheating spouse (typically the husband) has no consequences. The narrative has to change (with gratitude to Dominique Pelicot and Chanel Miller, for their courage).
So…I didn’t handle it well, I am ashamed to say. My EXFW’s affair partner had a Facebook post that I commented on.
First, her page was titled “Life is short, it’s my time!” And under that, “Living my best life”.
When I saw that I lost it!
She had a video of a little girl dancing very cute at a wedding or something, and she put under it “maybe this little girl can teach me to dance like that?”
So I put right under her comment “Maybe she can teach you not to have an affair with a married man and home wreck, ruin lives and hurt innocent people behind the scenes? This is living your best life? You are a disgusting person!”
Not long after she set her account to private. lol.
This definitely was not my best moment and they type of person I really am, but just a few days into D-day and I was suffering from intense betrayal trauma and rage. I did something that wasn’t cool, but not illegal. Trust me, I thought of other “things” I could do, but luckily didn’t do any of those things, beacuase…
…if it feels wrong, don’t do it.
I guess the post I made didn’t feel wrong. lol
Good job and well deserved!
You are fine- it’s hard to keep your cool when you see BS like that.
We’re not perfect in that traumatised space and it didn’t hurt to make her reconsider her actions – if she didn’t know deep down it made her a rubbish person, why set the account to private?
I hope many people saw that before she did.
Yes I had a few good plans too- very elaborate and John Wick Like in places buuuut….I’ll wait patiently by the river instead.
Good perspective, thanks for that. And good point about making it private, but it was too late. I am sure all her friends and family saw my comment. So I did out her to some people, but I am sure she would just lie about it, as personality disordered people do.
But the other feel good thoughts, yeah, wasn’t going there, just day dreaming.
I do wonder what happened to her, as my EXFW didn’t go after her, he was just using her. She probably just found other targets.
I understand the anger and the impulse. I also keep handy phrases, besides Mr CL’s sage missive, handy to quell the anger and the impulse.
1) “Staying on the high road reinforces my position as the wronged person.”
2) “Never interfere when your enemy is making a mistake.” (attributed to Napoleon)
3) I do NOT want to validate the lies he told everyone about me.
4) Betty Broderick. What Dan and Linda did was wrong. What Betty did was wrong. And what Betty did was give credence to Dan and Linda’s narrative that Betty was an unhinged lunatic so Of Course He Had To Cheat. She didn’t have Chump Lady, coping skills, or friends to help her with the very understandable rage she was feeling.
5) Any display of vengeance gives both of them the idea that he is a high value mate and worth fighting for. Neither my former so-called husband or any side piece is a high value mate.
Good people don’t do secret sexual double lives. I have to admit at the end of the day they did me a favor. I had no idea he was the human equivalent of ABC gum. I do not want ABC gum. I do not fight over ABC gum. I want and deserve my own brand new fresh piece of gum, thank you.
Betrayal is painful beyond belief or description.
But I do not eat out of garbage cans and I don’t want a garbage romantic partner.
He was actually right when he said we are not compatible.
Integrity and loyalty are what turns me on and therefore they are ideally suited to each other.
♥️
The best revenge is not to be like your enemy, as Marcus Aurelius famously wrote in his personal philosophical reflections, Meditations.
Meaning of the Quote:
1) Refusal to Mirror: Retaliating against someone who harms you often forces you to adopt their negative traits and lose your integrity.
)Preserving Character: True victory is maintaining your own self-control, calm, and personal values instead of letting another person dictate your behavior.
Inner Peace: Stoic philosophy teaches that keeping your moral clarity is far more powerful than trying to inflict pain in return.
I also have to admit that “I did X because you did X” is exactly the logic that cheaters and side pieces use to defend their behavior, and I DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE THEM.
Don’t do anything that compromises your dignity, your integrity, your credibility, your self-esteem. It’s tempting to hit back but you’ll be glad later. It feels SO good when they can’t point the finger at you. Their punishment is each other. Marcus Aurelius said the best revenge is to not be like them and he was right.
Remember when Will Smith slapped Christ Rock and he did not hit back? All the dog poop blew back right in Will Smith’s face where it belonged and stayed there.
I got a professional grade leather punching bag for kick boxing and also used a baseball bat on it. Great for getting the energy out and no one gets hurt and you stay out of jail.
I got a very good piece of advice from my Solicitor while I was in the process of divorcing now Ex-Mrs LFTT. It was “Don’t do, say or commit to writing anything that you would not be comfortable explaining to a Judge or to your Mother in Law.”
I stuck by that advice and, it turned out, I didn’t need to extract revenge from Ex-Mrs LFTT; the miserable life that her and her AP now live did it for me.
LFTT
I would have no problem letting a judge know why I repsonded to her post with what I did. She has zero morals and integrity and I told her to look for them, even if it comes from a small child! lol.
But yeah, my own personal standards would not allow that under normal circustances, intimate betrayal does not qualify for normal circumstances. OMG, it has been almost 5 years and I still struggle with the fall out of his choices.
I would donate to a Go-Fund-Me for bail 🙂
There were a few in the women’s prison I worked in that realised life isn’t like the movies – you can’t get away with bashing someone, damaging their property or taking what was probably the righteous revenge that most of us here have fantasised about.
Someone will see you.
Someone will definitely rat you out.
The time always comes when the account of every human’s deeds comes due though- always.
It is completely normal to feel this homicidal and to be honest, she could have killed someone. Instead she is a lesson to all chumps that NO CHEATER ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH is worth jail time, additional legal fees, and the distress of post action fallout. With 2 cheaters under my belt just walk away. Invest in a better lawyer for the divorce rather than posting bond. Kids don’t get it so they are embarrassed too!! LOOK WHAT MOMMY DID TO DADDYS BEST FRIEND!!
You just look crazy which gives permission for all the family drama. I feel badly for this gal for sure..more pain On top of pain. But if nothing else, she will be remembered for her defiance. And her hubby and OW are fortunate she didn’t go complete bonkers. Again, no cheater is worth this Trauma. She needed Tracy’s book!!!!!
I suspected all along that my ex would do the most effective job of destroying his own life, and I turned out to be right. He didn’t need any help from me. He drank so heavily he ended up having a stroke and last I heard, the only sh*t he had to clean up was his own. Literally.
I’m really bone tired of this BS that victims have to be perfect ALL THE TIME while being abused.
Escaping FW narcopath was truly a gift from the universe even if it was crawling through thorns to get to NC the path to the truth and the light!
Absolutely this. Cheating is abuse. There absolutely should be leeway in the law for a victim of abuse. The victim of cheating is not a danger to society, she should have gotten off with a warning.
When someone’s family is being threatened in as deliberate and harmful manner through violence, they are offered legal protection. The anger toward cheating is justifiable, but should be directed toward an escape plan, followed by karma.
I sincerely, with all my heart, wish that the persecutors and accusers of Ms. Rivera would be in her shoes.
Not in the sense of pouring faeces on the enemy, but in the sense of being betrayed by their spouses/partners in the most horrific way.
I wonder if they will laugh when they are figuratively doused with sewage by their own “significant others”?
There’s a 2011 independent film called *Rid of Me* that involves a marriage that ends abruptly due to infidelity / husband-stealing. It’s borderline; he kisses an old flame at a party, then tells her he can’t, then runs home and immediately leaves his wife for her. So not a protracted campaign of secrets and lies and deception, but awful behavior from these two parties.
The now-ex-wife sees the OW / husband-stealer at a supermarket and does something to her that’s gross, shocking, horrific, and… oddly satisfying?? (I won’t spoil it.)
But actions like that really do need to remain in the realm of fantasy. In real life, physically “getting back” at your ex or his/her OM/OW in any way is likely to end with you in county jail.
Assuming she’s a real chump and not a basketcase who targeted an innocent woman, I’m sorry she had to learn that the hard way.
I just found “that” clip on YouTube. So gross and so satisfying 🙂
The movie is hard to find now, but here’s where you can rent it if you’re curious:
https://vimeo.com/ondemand/ridofme/399506802
First, the husband should also have got a poop bucket emptied on him. Second, never do these things in front of cameras, or witnesses and learn to deny, deny, deny.
I mean, obviously, I am just joking. Would never recommend such a fair and reasonable response to abusive betrayal, treating pieces of shit like they are actually shit.
Just a joke, obvs.
I do think if women weren’t such sad doormats, and actually did get some fair and reasonable revenge a lot more men would think twice about being abusive cheaters, or at least have the smug smile wiped off their face 🙂
And here’s something interesting, the police rely very much on confessions of guilt. It’s nothing at all like the TV, most of the time they can’t prove anything. Provided you avoid cameras, witnesses and deny, deny deny.
Just a joke, of course. Would never tell anyone to act like this. All in good fun 🙂
I entertained many a revenge fantasy but in the end, I did none of them. I did react, but not in ways that could land me in jail.
What I considered: vandalizing her conference booth with “S_____ L____ flucks married customers”. Spraypainting her BMW with some sort of “I fluck married men”. I considered designing a one page flyer complete with photos and sending copies to all her neighbors warning them of her OW inclinations. I really wanted to punch OW in the face just one time (perhaps oddly, I never had a moments thought of hurting Cheater, not even a little. I still loved him).
What I did: She had given him Chinese loose tea with rosebuds in it. He kept it in our kitchen since she was “just a friend”. (Speaking of poop….) Upon grasping some understanding about their affair, I put all of the tea in my toilet and pooped on it. It was a satisfying result with no need for a lawyer. There were other gifts from her which landed in the trashcan fully destroyed. Being the good Catholic woman I am, I put Holy Water in his shampoo and typed out prayers and put beneath the mattress and boxspring where he slept.
Perhaps the best revenge was who I chose to marry after he died. Cheater hated tall white guys, especially (marginally rich) successful ones. If our marriage had ended in divorce rather than death and Cheater had ever learned anything about Husband 2.0, Cheater would have HATED him. In my head, I entertained scenarios of Cheater coming to our home to pick up kid(s) and having to look up at new husband. After years of healing, I realized that I really wish Cheater had survived to be in his kids’ lives.
I hope the charges are dropped.