Gary Owen Won’t Cheat on THIS Wife

Comedian Gary Owen says he won’t cheat on his new wife because she never turns him down for seggs. What a charmer.

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Mediocre comic Gary Owen, but Hall of Fame misogynist, claims he won’t cheat on his current wife like he did his last wife, Kenya Duke.

Really it’s a wonder this lunkhead has any wives to cheat on at all.

Duke is several galaxies out of his league. So is Brianna Johnson his current victim wife. But I guess he has neanderthal gender roles going for him.

People Magazine reports:

Gary Owen is opening up about infidelity in his previous marriage. 

The comedian, 52, revealed why he cheated on his ex-wife, Kenya Duke, but won’t cheat on his current wife in an interview with Vlad TV, published on Saturday, Aug. 22. 

He told the interviewer that he expects “to be 100% faithful” to his wife, Brianna Johnson. 

“The biggest difference between this marriage and my last marriage is that we weren’t intimate at all. We had sex three times in the last six years of our marriage,” Owen said. 

Wow. Way to throw down the pick me gauntlet. Message to Brianna: You better give me what I want when I want it, or you’ll wind up like my last wife. Dicks have the right to wander if certain conditions aren’t met. Only the great Entitled One gets to set those conditions.

How cringe for Kendra and their three young adult children.

“Even before that, we weren’t in sync in the bedroom. I’ll put it like that. It’s not like that with my current wife. I enjoy being intimate with her. I look forward to coming home. I’ve already told her, I said, ‘Look, just know the day I get home, just be ready.’ That’s how you keep a man,” he said.

That’s how you keep a man?!

Oh, I thought you kept them chained to bedposts and the only way free is with bolt cutters. Apparently, being a slave to Gary’s dick is the answer. Good to know. I’m sure Brianna doesn’t have anything better to do, what with three small children and the constant upkeep of her silicon body parts. Stand by, Brianna! Gary’s h*rd-on is coming home!

Kendra, thank the sweet Lord Jesus you didn’t keep this man.

This whole dead bedroom shaming thing — “I enjoy being intimate with (Brianna)” isn’t the flex you think it is, Gary. You’re saying YOU didn’t enjoy seggs. You need new shiny.

This isn’t a Kendra failed to enchant problem, it’s a you problem.

“You’re a roommate if you’re not sleeping with your spouse,” Owen continued. He then added that his comments are not to be taken as a “knock on my ex-wife.” 

This is totally meant as a knock on your ex-wife and an implied threat to your new one.

The Daddy Day Care actor said, “The feeling was mutual. We just weren’t into each other. If we were, we would have been sleeping together.”

Okay, putting aside the fact that you made two children with Kendra, dissatisfaction with your seggs life isn’t a reason to cheat. It’s a reason for difficult conversations, therapy, or divorce lawyers. There are ethical ways to end a relationship.

Owen gave insight into his current life with Johnson, saying they “discuss” their intimacy. 

Nice veneer of consent there.

“If she’s not in the mood, you can’t just go, ‘No, I’m not in the mood.’ You have to be like, ‘Look, I’m tired. I’m worn out. I got you in the morning. I got you tomorrow, I promise.’ That’s different. As a man, you’re like, ‘Cool, I can wait. I can wait till tomorrow,’ ” he said. 

Wow. You can go an entire 24 hours without your dick being serviced. Someone page Gloria Steinem. What an ally.

“Women need to know, you can’t just say no and not give us when it is gonna happen,” the comedian said, adding that it makes men feel “guilty.”

Women can’t say no?

Yes we can. Watch me. NO!!!

PEOPLE reached out to Owen and Duke on Sunday, Aug. 23, but did not receive an immediate response.

Gary was very busy. Please leave a message for his dick.