Problem, Adult Solution, Cheater Solution

So yesterday Chris came up with this great shorthand about how cheaters react to adult problems in selfish ways. His example:

PROBLEM: My wife and I argue often, mostly over financial matters.
ADULT SOLUTION: From now on, we’re going to keep a closer eye on our finances, cutting costs where we can. We’re also going to work to improve our lines of communication, particularly where financial matters are concerned.
CHEATER SOLUTION: I’m gonna go fuck a 20-year-old.

This prompted several chumps to pen their own little problem/cheater solutions. So today I’m inviting you to do the same.

I think it’s a great exercise for several reasons. A) It’s making fun of the absurdity of cheaters. Always fun. And B) It’s a good way to remind yourself that these people have CHOICES. That you didn’t drive them to cheat. There were grown-up ways of addressing real marital issues or their lives’ dissatisfactions and they chose infidelity. Good way to rewire your brain to think about this.

So have at it — problem? Adult solution? Cheater solution?

Thanks Chris!

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Lovebeingachump
Lovebeingachump
9 years ago

Oh pick me, pick me!
Problem – Feel like my wife doesn’t spend enough time with me – she works during the day (so she can’t go drinking with me) – She won’t take vacation time -(not to go anywhere but to go drinking with me) – She is always on her Ipad or Kindle – ( nothing to do with the fact that I’m falling down drunk by the time she gets off of work)
– Adult solution: Honey, I’d like for us to spend more time together. Let’s go on vacation, I have an idea of what we could do. I’d like for you to leave the electronic devices at home and just spend time together. OK, I’ll leave the alcohol at home too.
– His solution – I’m just going to go fuck the bait / bar Ho at the local fish camp – she’ll get drunk with me

MrsM
MrsM
9 years ago

that is almost my story too.

Problem: whining about me not being any fun cuz i didnt want to go out to HIS family and friends and go drinking (after 1.6 months of my daughters death), — telling me i got boring (because i was stressing over not paying the bills, broken down house, yard and vehicles, and over little things like the porn and dating sites he got on. OH and because i never wanted to go anywhere, even thou i would make suggestions like the park with the kids, a movie with the kids, out of town with the kids) — blaming me for being mad because he wasnt coming home and was out drinking at only God knows where cuz the story he told me wasnt true, for not treating him right but never treated me right, never answered my calls or texts, never came me money to pay the bills and didnt remember what he spent his paycheck on but he was broke on monday, and EVERYTHING bad that happened to him was my fault.
Adult solution: sit down and talk to your wife, tell her how you are feeling and why. come up with a solution to spend more time together and how to pay the bills, and be a little understanding when your wife tells you that she doesnt like drinking, or parties and is still damaged, stay off the porn and dating sites, apologize for being an asshole and comprise to make the 14 year marriage work. OH and appreciate everything your wife is able to do, has been doing for 14 years and still doing to keep the family together and go to marriage counseling and AA like wife suggested after you got kicked out of the house.
Cheater solution — stay out more nights drinking and not come home, continue to lie about whereabouts and money, Believe his enablers who tell him he has a bad wife and finally move in with the married HOOD RAT who doesnt even take care of her own kids — after all she has zero responsiblites, no house, no job, no kids, no car but she does get drunk and party with him. OH!! and let your HOOD RAT call your wife and tell her off, as well as call your movie rental place and say she is your wife to b*tch them out for a late movie.

Michelle
Michelle
9 years ago

OMG!! When I first started to read this I had to do a double take. I thought I WROTE IT! Lol!! Ex was EXACTLY the same and did the same. Ugh….

Justme52
Justme52
9 years ago

I’m am on your exact page. That was my life. Hated living with a drunk. We are so better off without that cheap in our lives.

Justme52
Justme52
9 years ago
Reply to  Justme52

Crap not cheap. However cheap fits too. Lol

MMBurned
MMBurned
9 years ago

Problem: My husband and I are growing apart. Time spent together is limited; he chooses to have his free time in the day and have “meetings” and do paperwork at night closed up in home office. Ceases to parent our child. Has more and more “meetings” away from the house in evenings and night, often coming home after several drinks.
Adult Solution: Talk it through, be honest, seek counseling. Spend quality time together alone and with our daughter – give the relationship effort. If it doesn’t work – it’s not reconcilable – be big about it. Negotiate a divorce and part as reasonably as possible.
Cheater solution: Spend as much time away from your wife and family as possible. Befriend every woman with a “problem” – sometimes for years – drink heavily, accuse your wife of being “negative and resentful” and “suspicious” as you lie to her daily about actions and whereabouts. FInally break up the marriage of mutual friends so he can be with the “love of his life for 36 years”. Lie to your wife for 6 months after the affair is discovered as to the sexual nature of the relationship – then refuse to negotiate a divorce settlement for years stating “what’s your hurry?”

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  MMBurned

“drink heavily, accuse your wife of being “negative and resentful” and “suspicious” as you lie to her daily about actions and whereabouts.”

THIS!!

MrsM
MrsM
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

OH!! yes yes, me too. he actually told me that if i was going to be suspicious and blame him for doing it (cheating) then might as well do it if he was going to be blamed anyway

Carol
Carol
9 years ago

PROBLEM: My wife wanted a Lazy Boy chair because the couch was, for her, very uncomfortable. So, for Christmas, I bought her the chair, and I surprised her with it. Now, she sits in it a lot and I’d rather her sit by me.
ADULT SOLUTION: I miss having her next to me when we watch TV, so I will suggest that we get a Lazy Boy couch. But first, I’m going to actually tell her that this is bothering me.
CHEATER SOLUTION: I’m gonna fuck my co-worker. And I’m not going to tell her that I dislike that she sits in the chair (that I gifted her with) unless she catches me cheating.

Kara
Kara
9 years ago

Problem: Husband/Wife has feelings for another person.
Adult Answer: Realize that this sometimes happens. Sit down together and discuss in a rational manner what to do. It might be painful, but not as painful as cheating. Communicate any and all feelings on the subject, and reach a conclusion that is best for both parties with complete HONESTY. This isn’t fun, but it need not be life-shattering and doesn’t need to rip apart the family.

Cheater Answer: Well, this is bigger than the both of us, the heart wants what it wants right? OTHER affairs are wrong, but this one is special because it was True Love! So kindly leave so my schmoopie can move in. The kids will just love their NEW mom/dad. You’d probably like her/him if you got to know her/him…

suddenly single
suddenly single
9 years ago

Problem: Turning 63 years old, conflicted relationship w/ 24 year old daughter, dead end job, no longer winning at favorite sport.
Adult solution: Find other stuff to do, validate daughter’s struggle, look forward to retirement.
Cheater’s solution: Fuck a 29 year old.

Ashley
Ashley
9 years ago

Problem: wife calls husband stupid 1 time while drunk at a party, then tells husband her opinion on a light fixture he installed that she doesn’t like, then forgets to remind him he would like to have a glass of wine on their vacation to do Disneyland (note, each thing only occurred 1 time each) while all the while growing more distant from wife who tends to be upset that I am ignoring her
Adult solution: discuss feelings after each incident to ensure wife knows how sensitive I am. Understand she is allowed to have her opinions on things, realize I am a grown man who should not need reminders about drinking and realize that the only reason she is truly upset is because of the silent treatment
Cheater solution: volunteer for a one year deployment in Saudi Arabia, refuse marital counseling at all, live a double life for at least six months and then the moment wife begins to feel safe and secure again tell her to get health insurance because you want a divorce….over the phone. Then proceed to ask her for $10,000 cash to fund the setup of your new life while racking up $20k in ccards bills while you are busy making sure she knows she is 100% to blame for the demise of the marriage and explaining to others just how “abusive” she is while dragging your feet in settling the divorce because what if I come out of the fog….

Beach
Beach
9 years ago
Reply to  Ashley

Ashley see, what you did call him at the party was true…:)

Really rotten! What is it with military guys saying get medical insurance, what kind of thinking is that. I heard oh you just want to be married to me for the medical.

So pissed for you Ashley, I hope you are doing better now.

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  Ashley

Oh Ashley, You were not his partner you were his parent.
Remind him HE wants to have a glass of wine. And to tell him your opinion on something he installed because you happen to have an opinion that differs from his. OMG seriously. NO No don’t be negative don’t I just deserve your unrestrained praise and a BIG gold star for my effort.
Ashley did you feel as though you had to have your ever decision cleared by him?

Ashley
Ashley
9 years ago
Reply to  Sammie D

Not until the last 6 months or so….because he was the silent treatment guy and used depression and ptsd from his past deployments as an excuse, I blamed everything on that. It wasn’t until the bomb drop of a phone call that he informed me of all of this. Now I know that PTSD and depression don’t make you lie, cheat etc but then I was in such denial.
I always asked him about everything just to make sure he was okay but didn’t realize then it was because I was afraid of doing something wrong. Now since I’m out I see how much I tried to do the pick me dance…even before the OW entered the pic.
It was all just justification for his poor behavior

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  Ashley

Stay strong,
there is a bright future ahead

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago

Problem: My wife works 60 miles away from home, is tired when she gets home and I feel like she just doesn’t love me; actually I’m not sure that she ever did. Plus both of our companies have been sold; there is a lot of stress and there is one woman at work that is really into me. She keeps chasing me even though she knows I’m married and she’s married too!
Adult Solution: Sit down and communicate my feelings to my wife. Tell her that I feel like our communication has gotten awful. We need to spend more time together; we need to be more intimate so I can feel closer to her. I have to let her know that I need to feel more important in her life. Maybe I should hire a cleaning service so she can have more free time when she’s at home.
Cheater solution: I’ll just fuck my ho-worker and make long term plans with her. She is really into me. I know that because she’s willing to throw her whole marriage away and lie to her husband just so she can be with me!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago

PROBLEM: My wife and I are hardly communicating these days and we fight a lot. I can’t work for anyone and have been living off her assets for years, which apparently now are all used up. She’s hocking her jewelry and other possessions so we can buy groceries and she gets angry when I ask her for beer and cigarette money. I go out every night just so that we don’t fight.

ADULT SOLUTION: Find employment and help to support your family. Understand that your wife would naturally be upset knowing there is no way to pay rent or the electricity bill. Stay home with your wife a few times a week, better yet, take her out, she’s lonely and alone.

CHEATER SOLUTION: I’m going to fuck these girls at the bar who think I’m amazing, witty, and funny.

MMBurned
MMBurned
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Love that solution… how approproate for the “amaxing, witty and funny”

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
9 years ago

PROBLEM: It’s tough working a full-time job. Babies are are a lot of work, too. And so is owning a house.
ADULT SOLUTION: Sharing the work with your wife, toward team goals (aka children and house). Accept that life isn’t fun all the time, but decide to have a positive attitude. By sharing the work, there will be more time for fun as a couple.
CHEATER SOLUTION: Leave wife to do all the heavy-lifting. When at home, yell and binge on video games, movies, sports, and texting. Stay out all night. Drink, gamble, fuck other people.

MrsM
MrsM
9 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

yep, my cheater solution too. haha

jodezter
jodezter
9 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

SNAP!

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago

PROBLEM: My wife went through cancer treatments and a hysterectomy for endometriosis. She wasn’t as into sex during this time, and she turned me down when we went to bed late at night saying she was tired. Plus, she’s always taking care of the kids and doesn’t go with me to horse shows, and hasn’t learned to ride horses like I wish she would.

ADULT SOLUTION: Try to be understanding about what my wife is going through. Talk to her about other ways we might be intimate that would help me feel close to her. Listen to my wife’s suggestions that she’d like to learn to trail ride and get her a nice, quiet horse that she could enjoy riding with me. Understand that my wife is a separate person who has different needs and interests than mine, and support her dreams too.

CHEATER SOLUTION: Have an affair with my married coworker who already loves horses. Plot to break up her family. Move closer to her so I can start working on her kids by getting them to think of me as their “Uncle.”

Kara
Kara
9 years ago

Oo! Thought of another one.

PROBLEM: Spouse goes out with friends almost every night of the week, never asks if you want to join them, and always seems to already have plans with friends whenever you want to go out.

Adult Answer: Tell them you want to be included. They might not be aware how much you feel left out. This doesn’t mean they need your express permission to see friends, it just means that they should consider your feelings and perhaps set aside time for you two so they can balance friends and the relationship. This is a fixable problem.

Cheater Answer: Well, my spouse ignores me, and doesn’t think about MY needs, so I’ll just go fuck that guy/girl I met at work. Why should I bother trying to talk to my husband/wife? They’re cold. My lover at work UNDERSTANDS me, and the marriage has been drifting anyway, I just needed someone to listen to me, and it just kinda HAPPENED y’know? If my spouse actually cared, this wouldn’t have happened. They just don’t know how to deal with my needs. *Mememememememememe…*

MrsM
MrsM
9 years ago
Reply to  Kara

THIS!!!! i see me in this one too

notyou
notyou
9 years ago

I have sleep apnea, snore like an infuriated badger, and stop breathing for up to 45 seconds at a stretch many times a night. This causes my wife to wake from a sound sleep in panic and elbow me to make me roll upon my side and catch my breath. Sleep studies indicate that I have apnea episodes 300 times a night. But what the fuck do doctors know? I have a CPAP but stubbornly won’t wear it ‘cuz I don’t like it. I crash in my recliner at about 6:30 PM and doze through reruns of MASH and John Wayne while snoring softly and drooling out the corner of my mouth. The apnea also causes intermittent erectile dysfunction which I secretly blame on my wife for not being “hot” enough. After months of begging me to explore other options, or get one of the newer quieter CPAPS, my wife not only moved out the bed, she moved to the downstairs sofa so she won’t be sleep deprived. Her behavior makes me feel unloved and undesirable.

Adult Solution: Listen to my wife’s legitimate concerns about my health and her need for sleep; explore other options until I find something that works well enough for her to move back into the bed… where she would really like to be…as she has explained to me many, many times.

Cheater Solution: Indulge in self-pity because my wife is a controlling hard-ass. Have an affair with married ho-worker who “understands” me. After all, “Hot-Twat-Dot” apparently gets all the sleep she needs at night and is therefore rested, ready, and willing to do ALL the work at the flick of the zipper!

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

Sleep deprivation is the worst! A person can hardly function when they’re not getting the right amount of sleep, not to mention the illnesses it can cause. I seriously believe not being able to sleep for several years when my kids were sick with asthma contributed to my getting cancer.

Who cares if you got any sleep, right? It was all about him. And to think that your ex wouldn’t address the problem, and believed all doctors were jerks…no one is the boss of him! I love that explanation by CL about so many cheaters…my ex definitely had a “you’re not the boss” mentality, especially with me.

notyou
notyou
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Since I retired in 2012 and can get 9 good hours a night and/or naps, I have much more patience and stressors don’t get to me much. Sleep is restorative and healing.

[ It could also be because I don’t live with a PA man. 😉 ]

Studies show that Americans are among the most sleep deprived people in the world. It is a national problem.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

I notice I feel better than I can ever remember, and the biggest difference I see is that I’m getting more sleep than I ever have. I was lucky to get 3-4 of hours of sleep when the kids were little because of their asthma/illnesses. This is a period of time that my ex seemed to find every excuse possible to travel for his work or hobbies. Staying home with sick kids wasn’t fun! It’s also when I found a love note from “a student with a crush” in his pocket, and got strange phone calls asking if I knew where my husband really was. Whenever I really needed my ex during times of emotional distress, he disappeared. So glad to live in town where I’m not as isolated and have friends who provide reciprocal relationships now.

exrepeatedmeme
exrepeatedmeme
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Isn’t sleep wonderful? STBX had sleep apnea, and notyou that was me you were describing waking up multiple times a night when he stopped breathing. He would fall asleep on the lazyboy at 6.30, always said that there wasn’t a problem, he was just tired from work. Which of course left me doing all the chores, running the kids around, supervising homework, cooking, cleaning, visiting my mum, as he slept and snored in front of the tv. When the kids were small he never got up to help out, and I went for years on an average of four hours of sleep a night between the the boys and the sleep apnea. (But it was my fault that we had such a lousy sex life, don’t you know….)

When he finally went to get checked out, he was given a cpap machine that he used once because it was “so uncomfortable” and because he couldn’t hear himself snoring and denied there was a problem. He took the machine back the next day and the technician called later that week begging me to get him to use it, as he apparently had the worst case of sleep apnea the lab had ever seen. Me not being the boss of him, you know how that went.

Now that I have a new bed and no snoring, sweating cheater hogging it I sleep like a baby most nights, and am more rested than I have been in years. Another reason not to ever, ever go back. I expect some drama to erupt shortly, though, as OW has finally left him. Probably got tired of the snoring.

kb
kb
9 years ago
Reply to  exrepeatedmeme

And you know what? The failure to do anything about sleep apnea is really childish.

Both my brothers and one of my sisters-in-law have sleep apnea. There was no question about not doing anything about it. Of course they did something about it!

But that’s being adult. 😉

exrepeatedmeme
exrepeatedmeme
9 years ago
Reply to  kb

It is childish, isn’t it? It becomes clearer and clearer to me that I married a man-child, not a man. I pray that I will be completely free of him this year, no longer cast as the bully and the Mother who needs to be defied at every turn, even if it makes no sense to do so and even if it results in severe (but preventable) health consequences.

Thank Goddess for no contact, for this place, for the loving adults that surround me now. It really was the best possible thing to happen to me, him leaving, although it didn’t seem like it at the time. He can be free now to live as he likes, alone, with no one the boss of him, ever.

Remember the theme song for the tv show “Malcolm in the Middle”? Sums it up, I think –

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6mwfuuYwQs

Tonya
Tonya
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

Oh God this reminds me that I absolutely do NOT miss my ex snoring like a pneumatic drill next to me after a night on the town and drooling like a baby!

Danabern7
Danabern7
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

He “Snores like an infuriated badger” . . .I can’t stop laughing at your description. Are you sure you want to be in that bed?
He crashes on the couch with “drool coming out of the side of his mouth”. Why don’t you let “the married ho-worker who understands him” have him. What a catch!

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
9 years ago
Reply to  Danabern7

THIS.

KitKat
KitKat
9 years ago
Reply to  Danabern7

BTDT with the sleep apnea. Caused all sorts of problems and I was the big mean person that kept pointing it all out.

Lisah
Lisah
9 years ago
Reply to  KitKat

My stbx has it too ! The heavier he got – the worse it became. It was diagnosed and of course, he will never do anything about it. Ad that to the sound of a broken chain saw when he snores, sweats like a fountain and you’ve got one sexy bed partner – NOT.
Oh…I forgot the mouth breathing. Hmm…..

notyou
notyou
9 years ago
Reply to  KitKat

Kit,

Why they are to hypersensitive and weird about this beats me. But they take it fucking personally!!

They don’t get all shamed and freaked when they have other chronic problems requiring treatment. Go figure?

Other than the known health risks, there is growing evidence that apnea can affect our sex lives.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/10/10/really-the-claim-sleep-apnea-causes-sexual-problems/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0

[Even hearing THAT wouldn’t persuade, “Stone Head” to take better care of his problem. That man snored and snorted so loudly that even ear plugs didn’t help.]

I suspect apnea can cause depression as well. How can you NOT be depressed when you have chronic 24/7 fatigue?

Stubborn people suck!!

Patsy
Patsy
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

STUBBORN PEOPLE SUCK!

Kara
Kara
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

Notice how, when it’s something serious like sleep apnea or gambling addiction, and you try to tell them they need help, it gets spat in your face or ignored and it’s all “I’m fine! I don’t need you to tell me how to take care of myself!”

But when they get caught cheating, it’s all “I have a proooooobleeeeeeemmmm, I need heeeeeelp! Why won’t you supppoooooort me? Don’t you know I’m siiiiiick!?”

Gee, and I thought they were all “fine.”

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  Kara

I’m a nagging bitch too.
There is a serious problem here I know you got mugged by you took 5 weeks off work and now you have only returned to work on light duties and it has been months. STBX ‘ Im trying I really am it hard to explain, but you could be more understanding. You need to go and see someone there is a serious problem here, ” no I’m fine just have a lot on my mind re work”. code “they know I hooked up while on my way back from a business meeting and as a result got bashed” They are now looking for a way to terminate me as a coworker that I made an inappropriate remark to has also reported me for harassment.
Three days after returning to full duties he was walked and I had no idea why till after Dday just over two years later.

notyou
notyou
9 years ago
Reply to  Danabern7

Dana,

We’ve been divorced for several years. And I’m at Meh.

Apparently “Dot” decided she didn’t want him either…perhaps she actually slept in the bed with him for a night? 😉

Danabern7
Danabern7
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

Good for you being at Meh. I hope I get there some day. Yeh, one night would make one call it quits. You should be a comedy writer!

It's a new day
It's a new day
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

notyou – You just reminded me of something that I can be grateful for not having to deal with anymore. Thank you! My stbx also snores so loudly in bed at night and even in public because he could fall asleep on a dime. He would never try to find a solution. I sleep so well at night now. It’s so peaceful!

Justanotherchump
Justanotherchump
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

“Hot-Twat-Dot”………ROTFLMAO!!!

Rosie Boa
Rosie Boa
9 years ago

Ooo, I’ll play!!!

PROBLEM: My wife just can’t seem to forgive my three year gambling addiction. I feel unloved and unwanted in my own home.

ADULT SOLUTION: I will acknowledge the pain and loss of trust she experienced because I lied to her, acknowledge the anxiety she experienced because she couldn’t pay the bills or buy shoes for the children, get myself into counselling for my addiction and marriage counselling to rebuild her trust and love for me.

CHEATER SOLUTION: I will continue gambling and then lie, minimise and deceive her for two years. When she finally threatens to leave me, I will blame her for my gambling problem and call her a bitch for not being more supportive and sympathetic of my addiction. When she gets the phone number for the gambling helpline I will then refuse to get counselling and deny outright that I have an addiction. Whenever she raises it after that, I will insult her, shout at her, throw things at her and accuse her of trying to destroy our marriage until she backs down.

When I start an affair some years later, I will blame her for never voicing her feelings, arguing about things or trying to address issues in our marriage. I will conveniently forget all the arguments about gambling.

Ashley
Ashley
9 years ago
Reply to  Rosie Boa

AHHH yes….the forgetting of ever prior concern you ever had!

Freeatlast
Freeatlast
9 years ago

PROBLEM: Husband and wife have poor relationship and don’t have sex often. Wife does all household and child rearing responsibilities. Husband goes to work, comes home, and expects sex constantly.
ADULT SOLUTION: Sit down and talk about why wife won’t have sex. Discuss issues such as abuse and neglect and respond accordingly. Acknowledge this and possibly go to therapy to get help.
CHEATER SOLUTION: Constantly lie, manipulate, and cheat on wife. Bang strange pussy in the woods. Then tell wife it is ALL her fault, and that she is being UNREASONABLE when she gets upset about discovery of said affairs.

MGirontree
MGirontree
9 years ago
Reply to  Freeatlast

Freeatlast, I should copy and paste your response. My life exactly. I will just add that he says, “Why can’t you just get over it already”.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  Freeatlast

OK, that one made me laugh. One thing that’s making me feel better is how often cheater accuses spouse of causing THEIR problems.

Freeatlast
Freeatlast
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Yeah, the look of shock and then laughter from people when I tell them the “Unreasonable” line is always funny. Everyone from family, friends, delivery guy, and doc have heard it and bust out laughing. It’s my fav of the crazy! 🙂

nomar
nomar
9 years ago

PROBLEM: Wife struggles professionally and in personal life as she enters middle age. Feels frustrated that she is not meeting the high expectations created for her as a clever teenager by semi-literate, hopeful parents, expectations she bought into eagerly and deeply. She is forced out of the business she helped create, and the business she starts on her own is stillborn. Wife sees the bloom of youth fading. The children outgrow the cute phase, begin to establish their own identities, and start having fairly ordinary teenage problems of their own (obesity, laziness, defiance, etc.). Because Wife sees the children as extensions of herself, their imperfections fills her with anxiety exacerbate her creeping sense of underachievement and failure.

ADULT SOLUTION: Get some therapy, individual and family. Realize that there is more to you than your business and your figure your kids. Take pride in *actual* achievements, even if they are not the Stuff of Legend (e.g., being the first in your family to finish college, maintaining a long marriage, raising healthy kids, having a nice home, etc.). Set boundaries with kids and enforce them (e.g., homework before HULU, frozen pizza at 10 p.m. only if you ate the green beans at dinner). Focus on fitness and good health instead of the pertness of youth, celebrate the end of young adult obligations (No more diapers to change or ear infections to treat!), and relax into the satisfactions of middle age (e.g., knowing how the world works, having money to travel, etc.). Objectively assess professional strengths and weaknesses and find a position that is a good fit (e.g., people with a lifelong tendency to procrastinate shouldn’t work for themselves). Spend time with your spouse, who may strike you as dorky and uptight but who makes conspicuous efforts to show that he is charmed by you and wants a life of contentment together.

CHEATER SOLUTION: Abandon real life and escape into online video games. Disregard even minimal actual obligations (e.g., opening the mail, going to bed before 4 a.m., bathing) to focus on virtual achievements. Spend thousands of hours day and night earning the highest levels possible for your characters in the World of Warcraft. Develop an online persona of a Magical Cougar Princess and post dozens of times a day on Warcraft websites, engaging in the juvenile sexual banter that predominates there, sometimes with boys young enough to be your sons’ friends. Begin drinking a bottle of wine by yourself while you play through the night. Arrange hook-ups with other gamers much younger than you, including your mighty Guild Leader, who then favors you with extra praise and rewards in your online fantasy life. With him become the Power Couple of Azeroth, the Brangelina of Pandaria. Confuse yourself with your pixelated avatar. Hide all of this from your husband. When Husband expresses concerns about how distant you’ve become and ultimately objects to your priorities, accuse him of not supporting you, not wanting you to have any fun, of trying to control you. Tell him you’ve done some research and you’re pretty sure he has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and give him articles from the Internet about his problems. Briefly express concern for his illness and wish him well in sorting it out before logging back on to WoW. Stiff arm Husband’s suggestion of marriage counseling, and when he makes the appointments and drags you, lie to the therapist about virtually all of your choices and all of your motives. When your affairs are discovered, and your husband pushes for reconciliation, continue to cheat and lie. When Husband finally has enough and files for divorce, blame him for everything you can think of, especially when talking to the children whose lives you napalmed with your choices. If they won’t play along, bribe the children with expensive electronics. Marry one of your affair partners from your Fantasy Realm and get to work ruining the lives of his kids, whose family was destroyed by divorce so he could marry you.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

She is a total adolescent, emotionally.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar, WoW…I couldn’t resist…

Syringa
Syringa
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Wow.Wow.Wow. Nomar. These narcissists are unbelievable!!

PROBLEM: “I’m a spoiled rotten brat and get everything I want. I’m 60 years old and decide that my wife and I need to go into debt for a Harley Davidson motorcycle like all my drinking buddies have. I bought two cool leather biker vests and got some doo rags made. I look so damn hot in these. In the mornings I have a hard time deciding which vest to wear. The one with the fringe or the one with the eagle on the back?”

ADULT SOLUTION: Go over finances with wife and decide realistic options for our upcoming retirement. See that if we conserve now… not far down the road we can go on some marvelous adventures.

CHEATER SOLUTION: Find desperate ugly skanky coworker that is SO DESPERATE to have a man she will fuck you for free and buy you that Harley Davidson you’re bitchy wife said ‘no’ too.

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  Syringa

Okay, the Old Man Playing Hells Angels is almost as pathetic as the Soccer Mom Playing Warcraft.

I think your situation can be described with some Cheater algebra:

60-year-old-man + motorcycle + doo rag + vest = Douchebag x Moron

Syringa
Syringa
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar, your algebraic equation made my day. I laughed out loud several times over that one. Thank you.

Syringa
Syringa
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar….now that’s some funny shit!~

60-year-old-man + motorcycle + doo rag + vest = Douchebag x Moron

For Reals. He would stand in front of the mirror preening in his vests and doo rags. Jeeze oh hell oh bells.

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

THIS

Chris
Chris
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

“Okay, the Old Man Playing Hells Angels is almost as pathetic as the Soccer Mom Playing Warcraft.”

Couple those two with GiO’s ex and his Dancing Yeti videos/Hollywood ambitions and I think we’ve completed the trifecta of Crazy Cheater Midlife Choices here at Chump Nation. Lol.

Still waiting for the stories of the middle-aged cheater who decides he wants to try his hand at MMA, or go fight in Afghanistan. (And of course it will be the Chump’s fault that he never got to serve in Vietnam.)

redless
redless
9 years ago
Reply to  Chris

Chris, I guess that’s my intro.

Problem: Middle-aged computer security guru (“computer games are for people who do not have access to the real toys”), believes that the world should learn to “speak to him using his words, I should not have to deal with everybody else’ words,” stirring up drama keeps away his inner voice that says he is not perfect, religion basher–“they pray to something that does not exist so they do not have to work on their own problems, does not like that teenage daughter has a working brain (graduated early, works, and is in college at 16), older step-daughter is getting married and is no longer under his control, wife won’t drop everything to put away his laundry–that she washed and folded.

Adult Solution: Admit that children grow up and are their own entity and teenagers have opinions. Get counseling for his grandiose, narcissism, and PTSD issues. Learn to open a drawer and put his 2 shirts and 3 undies away.

Cheater Solution: Show up with a brand new Harley, tell me about the new motorcycle club he is joining (they do not have a great reputation), volunteer to go to Afghanistan (even though he retired from National Guard 3 years ago), and fight in a local MMA because one of his friends teaches jiujitsu, look up an old girlfriend, she is Christian and wants to teach him about the Bible, stays up all night on the phone or at her house for “Bible study” till 4am!

Chris
Chris
9 years ago
Reply to  redless

Holy CRAP-!

The example of a middle-aged cheater wanting to fight in MMA and go to the Middle East to make up for not going to Vietnam was just a facetious joke I made up off the top of my head. I never thought in a million years that would actually apply to anybody’s ex—and then you commented. LOL! WOW! I think we here at ChumpNation have officially heard it all.

Not sure if your ex is old enough to have served in Vietnam (an 18-year-old in 1973 when the war ended would be pushing 60 today). But between his General Patton/MMA ambitions AND 4AM Bible Study, your ex definitely takes Cheater Crazy to a whole new level!

redless
redless
9 years ago
Reply to  Chris

Chris,
Glad (or horrified) I could add another branch to the Crazy Nut Tree. He is in his upper 40s and his father fought in Vietnam. He was angry at the fact that he was not born to fight during that time—and he is 1/4 Vietnamese!!!!

As for MMA, the thought of an older, overweight, little Asian man doing a rear-naked choke on a dude….snort…..double snort!!!! He kills MMA for me. When I think of rear-naked choke, I have a different version and it involves Chuck Liddell, Randy Couture, or Tony Del Duca (TV show, Jacked). They don’t know it yet but they all want me. ha ha ha. That is my version of MMA and I’m sticking to it.

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  redless

There’s a new euphemism for cheating: Bible study.

Reminds me of a big floating poker game in the small rural southern town where I live. It’s referred as “the men’s Bible study class.” The difference is those fellas say it with a winki and their wives know they’re fibbing. Cheaters? I’m not so sure they don’t believe half the gas they let fly.

andstillirise
andstillirise
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

‘There’s a new euphemism for cheating: Bible study. ‘

Or, in my jesus-cheater ex’s case, Sunday School.

Seriously — the last year of the affair he was hooking up with skanky at/after their co-taught religious ed class for the 6th graders. Surreal to see them at the front of the church together, sitting with the kids. Whole church, very much including the pastor, could see it. Nobody wanted to name it — too much accountability.

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  andstillirise

Blech

MGirontree
MGirontree
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

There is a bar called “The Library” in our town. I am sure the owner new how helpful the naming of his place would be to cheating assholes.

redless
redless
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Hmmm, so Bible study is like letting Jesus in–they name their penis “Jesus” and put it in!!!!
“The power of the Holy Spirit? Oh, I thought you meant ‘Spirited Hole'”

Sorry, I mean no disrespect to any religious affiliation–I’m Christian but they are abusing the title so I am making fun of their stupidity.
BTW, I happen to love playing poker but cheaters misspelled the word. There is no “h”. (“poke her”)

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  Chris

LOL re the Trifecta of Midlife Cheaters. CL’s cartoons are great but I’d love a video of the Yeti square dancing with the Warcraft warriors and the Stupid Old Biker (“S.O.B.”) dude. Maybe to Pink Floyd’s “Brain Damage”?

The cheater who goes off and actually DOES something of note is a rare tale. With most of these folks it’s all about the fantasy life. Old Dude on a $25K bike is actually scared shitless of real biker gangs. Soccer Mom is actually the dowdiest frump on the block and never wears a skin-tight leather bodice or carries an enchanted broadaxe. The common thread is the fake, the facade, the counterfeit. The richness of their fantasy lives is in reverse proportion to quality of their coping skills. To an amazing extent, cheaters are poisonous species of make-believers.

Nat1
Nat1
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

The cheater who goes off and actually DOES something of note is a rare tale. With most of these folks it’s all about the fantasy life.

I can’t hear this enough!!!!! It’s like I know him, right, so how can he be so efficient and auch a go getter now? That business he started up? His sudden uber confidence? Just another scam!

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Great observations, Nomar.

Lily Bart
Lily Bart
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

“The richness of their fantasy lives is in reverse proportion to quality of their coping skills.”

Well said.

Rosie Boa
Rosie Boa
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar – for all its wonders, the internet has assisted so many to their own ruin! I forgot to say in mine : “develop an online gaming addiction to replace gambling addiction. Stay shut in a dark study around the clock for three years until your five year old son develops an obsessive interest in learning how to play ‘the game’ so he can be just like dad when he grows up. Blame your wife for this addiction as well”.

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  Rosie Boa

There’s a lovely choice: gambling addiction or gaming addiction. I’m guessing the gambling addiction is the quicker path to financial ruin but the gaming addiction takes more time.

Given that “time is the money of love,” they’re both losing propositions.

TennisHack625
TennisHack625
9 years ago

PROBLEM: Husband is working 3-4 jobs to provide for a family of 6. Wife is taking care of 4 kids and one has special needs. Sex life is intermittent and disrupted by kids.

ADULT SOLUTION: Husband scales back workload and spends more quality time at home. Wife finishes degree and starts working to break-up household monotony. Couple takes some mini-vacations to reconnect and recharge.

CHEATER SOLUTION: Wife finds several “boy-toys” for attention and neglects family and husband.

RNE is going though the big D and I don't mean Dallas
RNE is going though the big D and I don't mean Dallas
9 years ago

Problem: Getting orders for nine months to an island far away from wife and children. Feeling lonely and stressed out about the job and wife telling me all about problems with the kids and life back home when we talk. Wife doesn’t want to have phone/video sex every time we talk because she is busy taking care of said problems with kids and stuff back home and doesn’t have the need for sex three to four times PER DAY.

Adult solution: Talk to wife about problems at work and lay all of your stress on her so she knows what’s going on and can help you through it. Support your wife as she struggles with the kids and life and just missing you as you know you are away from home more than you are actually at home due to military obligations. Appreciate the fact that your wife always manages to keep things running while you’re away even if she does get stressed out. Realize that life isn’t all about you and your problems and that marriage is about both of you supporting each other through tough times.

Cheater solution: find a woman who is willing to fuck you, start a relationship with her while you are on the island so that you’re no so lonely. Act like everything is fine whenever you talk to your wife. Tell wife that you had to buy cleaning products when she asks you why you are withdrawing large sums of money from the account when money is already tight. Come home from deployment and treat you wife like shit for five months while still having a relationship with the Guambat whore hole who doesn’t care that you have a wife and two children. Completely check out of family life so you don’t have to worry about anything having to do with the kids or running of the home. Start acting like the young single soldiers that you insist on bring jan around your kids, even though they are alcoholics and terrible role models for your kids to see. Throw away ten years of marriage as if it were nothing and devastate your children. Who cares, you’re happy and have your Guambat now so all is right in the world.

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
9 years ago

PROBLEM: My wife and I recently bought a home. We talked about tightening our belts and paying off all our bills for the year, so that we’d be in better shape financially. We want to be able to pay off the mortgage and be debt free when it becomes time to retire.

ADULT SOLUTION: I will discuss with my wife better ways we could save up for our goal. I don’t need to buy a gun every week, besides having an arsenal of 20 should be enough for anyone. I see the value in being debt free, so I’m going to stick by my original agreement and work together to put us on solid financial footing.

CHEATER SOLUTION: I’m going to fuck another married whore on Friday afternoons for as long as I can get away with it. While I do this, I will plot to financially and emotionally destroy my wife. After that, I will resent her and tell my friends and family that the destruction of our marriage was all her fault.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

Dear God in heaven, he can’t stay on a budget…so fuck a married whore. Makes sense to a cheater.

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Well, that’s the only obvious thing I can point to that he didn’t like. There really wasn’t anything else, at least that he shared with me. If he didn’t want to continue with our plan all he had to do was open his mouth. Instead, he opted for his zipper.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

You kill me with lines like that.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

He buys a gun every WEEK????
Sheesh.

Little Mighty Me
Little Mighty Me
9 years ago

Problem: Being a grown-up is really hard. Full-time work, home ownership, vehicle maintenance, bill-paying and an energetic three-year old are way more demanding of time than I thought they could possibly be. Also, my wife is pregnant with a second baby, a baby I encouraged her to have, and she is sick – like, ALL the time. I keep doing my thing, taking all the time I need to be out of the house, hunting, fishing, playing sports and seeing my friends, but my wife (it’s so weird!) is getting really resentful about getting stuck with the bulk of the life responsibilities. Plus, she gets on my case a LOT about how she has a hard time finding the time in the day for herself to take a shower. We’re definitely fighting more and more about what she calls a “fair solution to splitting the responsibilities.”

Then one of my coworkers – who happens to be young, single, really hot, and doesn’t HAVE any responsibilities – well, she got stupidly drunk at a party I attended (wife was at home, being a mom, of course) over the holidays, and she tried to kiss me! I shut it down, but it got me to thinking. I mean, this girl is soooo hot!

Adult solution: Tell my wife how I’ve been feeling. Work together to come up with a plan of attack for how to deal with the “really young kids” years in a way that is respectful of both of us as individuals who need down-time. Go to counseling, if necessary. Be honest about my feelings. Seek advice from happily married men who survived raising young children and kept their marriages strong and intact. TELL THE TRUTH.

Cheater solution: Just go after the chick who tried to steal the kiss, because what I really need is ONE MORE ESCAPE from reality.

Greeneyes
Greeneyes
9 years ago

Problem: Wife is successful, classy, pretty, self sufficient but we can’t get pregnant. – Scratch that- Gets pregnant multiple times with invitro but it never sticks and she almost dies from a complication of invitro. She makes more money than I do and only works part time. I feel like life isn’t fair

Adult solution: Talk to wife, go to hospital and show that you love her and you are in this together. Consider adopting since she has mentioned this several times. Pray more since you say you are a Christian.

Cheater solution: Start fucking around with trashy town whore who is a backwoods waitress that looks like an Oompah Loompah. When wife finds out blame it on wife for not being able to have your baby.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Greeneyes

Absolutely heartless loser. His sperm is probably toxic.

Patsy
Patsy
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Oh, Greeneyes, he stabbed you RIGHT where it hurt. So sorry.

But I need to warn you: breeding with fucktards is so problematic. Mine triangulates his D15, so tragic, asking her what I am doing and intending ‘I can’t talk to Mom, she gets so angry’.

The wrongness of it hurts so bad, D has developed an eating disorder because of all this childish ‘coping’.

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
9 years ago
Reply to  Greeneyes

I’m soo sorry Sweetie…

Take Comfort though that you’re not stuck with THAT DEMON’s SPAWN.
Seriously.

KitKat
KitKat
9 years ago
Reply to  Greeneyes

My winner H did something similar – constantly telling me I was a defeatist because of my sadness at enduring 10 years of infertility, pretty much completely on my own. One of the many reasons he took up with the porn star.

Sorry he was suck a jerk.

AnnieW56
AnnieW56
9 years ago

PROBLEM:

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago

Problem: Extricated myself from the near-disaster of making another commitment to a woman who loves me. Not my first rodeo. I was smart enough to have a “reason” to postpone and a place to go. Got the gaslight turned up high so the chump who loves me is focusing on what she’s doing wrong instead of what I’m doing. Had it all set up so I could just fade off into the sunset with someone new who adores me. She’s married, therefore safe, and we do it all by FB so she won’t get caught. But the Chump found my FB page with Schmoopie as my only friend. She confronted me about the affair!
Adult solution: Go to the house, sit down, tell the truth. Answer questions. Admit what I’ve done. Try to make amends.
Cheater solution: Go nuts on the Chump. Yell. Scream. Make threats about what I’ll do if she goes public. Blame her for accusing me. Hang up. Ignore all efforts to wind up business or meet obligations because after all she accused me! Of something I was doing!

MEJ
MEJ
9 years ago

Problem: I like things. I want lots and lots of things. I whine and stomp my feet like a child when I see the designer clothes and fancy cars I want. My boring wife thinks we should live within our means and plan for boring things like retirement. Who cares about retirement? I want things now! Things make me feel good…for a few minutes anyway.

Adult solution: Take part in the family budget and look at what it actually costs to raise a family, maintain a home, etcetera. Help wife to create a savings plan to maybe purchase some fun things .

Cheater solution: Find a whore online who likes things as much as I do! Leave my wife with no notice and move right in with whore. We both drive expensive cars! We wear designer clothing! We vacation at 5 star spas around the world! It’s all good because my now ex-wife is like a nanny that I can dump my kids on when I need to take said expensive vacations. I’m in debt up to my eyeballs, but I still managed to buy my whore an expensive engagement ring. I wish my ex-wife wouldn’t be such a buzz kill. She’s always pestering me about medical/dental bills for the kids, college funds, etc. That’s not fun! I like fun stuff!

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
9 years ago
Reply to  MEJ

You Know what You CAN’T BUY , Right ?
and hon, You’ve got that in Spades..

Let him have his ” Trinkets “..

Save Your TREASURE for a Man that DESERVES you.

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago

Stuff! and MORE STUFF! and the pictures on FB to indicate he does not need to be married as he is free now and can just go do STUFF!

D’day came and went, no remorse or apology or responsibility, he has moved home with mummy so is getting his encouragement kibble.

Post D’day STUFF, New car, 4 day camping trip 6 hours away with out Kids, 10+ hour drive to another state for 2 days to do winery tours with his brother, (missed the child support payment that month), new cloths, new phone, new Ipods for the younger two, and it continues. Yet has had the audacity to cancel our family hospital cover because he can no longer afford it.

At the same time he is demanding access to our home to collect his stuff, we own a modest single story three bedroom home and he is going to need a truck to collect his stuff there is so much of it, bought stuff, inherited stuff, acquired stuff. not to mention what he considers to be his our of our joint stuff. He can have it all and then I can start again with a blank canvas.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Sammie D

Even on a tight budget, it’s great to start over. So many things can be rehabbed, painted. repurposed. It’s fun to make a home reflect your own taste and style.

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

I can’t wait

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  MEJ

That’s hilarious, MEJ! May the two of them spend their way into oblivion.

ca-chump
ca-chump
9 years ago

PROBLEM: Wife stopped initiating sex with me, probably because it is as much fun for me to turn her down as it actually is to have sex. I love the one where she’s made a great dinner, wears a hot lacy number and dotes on me all evening. Then I shoot her down in bed – tell her she’s a poor communicator and obviously not interested in sex. So, no sex for a few months.

ADULT SOLUTION: Talk it over. Talk to doctor. See a therapist.

CHEATER SOLUTION: Go fuck ho-worker. Have an EA with a second. Start dredging FB for new conquests. When busted blame wife for lack of sex.

—-

PROBLEM: Infant daughter has a 103.5 fever, doing terrifying limp, quiet, sick baby thing. Wife runs out of infant Tylenol. Sends me to the store for more.

ADULT SOLUTION: Panic. Go to store ASAP, come home with Tylenol. Ibuprofin. Anything else remotely relevant from drug aisle. Help with keeping baby cool.

CHEATER SOLUTION: Go to store, come home with liter of tequila, no medicine. Really, who is suffering here? Turn on TV to mask noise of porn on computer. Probably not necessary as wife is too busy fussing over baby to notice me. I wish she’d take a break from sick baby to make me a margarita – how inconsiderate!

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
9 years ago
Reply to  ca-chump

GGGRRRRRR…

PSYCHOTIC A S S H O L E ! ! !

Rosie Boa
Rosie Boa
9 years ago
Reply to  ca-chump

Oh god, what a creep!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  Rosie Boa

oh yeah, denying you sex then blaming you for a sexless marriage. That really pissed me off…

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

And enjoying the pain he causes his wife. Cruel. Heartless. Indifferent to his child. When I read a story like this, I really get what “lose a cheater, gain a life” means.

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

oh yeah …

AnnieW56
AnnieW56
9 years ago

Problem: H joined facebook and posted his profile out there. An old girlfriend finds him on facebook and friends him. They start getting friendly not only on facebook but through texts and emails and phone calls.

Adult Solution: Talk to husband about how “friendly” they are getting and suggest he “un”friends her because he is passing into dangerous territory with her. I also suggest that all of the flattery that he is passing her way might better be served passing my way. He takes my suggestion and turns away from old girlfriend realizing that he has a commitment to his marriage.

Cheater solution: Meet her in a hotel a month after being friended on facebook and have sex. Use work phone and work email instead of personal ones. Tell wife that he has ended his “friendship” with her. 2 months later request a divorce so that they can be together because “first loves have a draw that I will never understand.”

flyingsquirrel
flyingsquirrel
9 years ago

PROBLEM: My husband consistently lies to me, devalues my needs and wants, constantly criticizes me, and rarely tells me he loves/appreciates me but expects me to keep up the charade of perfect wife and mother.

ADULT SOLUTION: If he doesn’t immediately stop the abusive behavior and seek counseling to make real change, dump his ass. You’re a human being who deserves to be treated well and to be loved. Your kids deserve to be raised in a loving environment too.

CODEPENDANT SOLUTION: Well, I must be the problem here so I’m going to do everything I can to make him see the light. When all my attempts to control and manipulate him into better behavior fail, I’m going to stay in this miserable marriage because I don’t know what else to do and I’m afraid of divorce.

***After 10 years of living the insanity of codependancy, I’ve chosen the adult solution. Yay me!***

jodezter
jodezter
9 years ago
Reply to  flyingsquirrel

LIKE!

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  flyingsquirrel

DING! DING! DING! Correct answer, for the win!

Supreme Chump
Supreme Chump
9 years ago

Too bad most of our “problems” or “issues” were made up and all in his mind. But anyway, here is one of the “problems” :
He claimed I hated his family. So his cheater solution was to fuck other women.

Still a Chump
Still a Chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Supreme Chump

I got that one too!

Tonya
Tonya
9 years ago

This problem is not mine but a true story my brother’s girlfriend told me about her ex.

PROBLEM: My wife is in labour and is just about to go into the delivery room. I’m out of my comfort zone. It’s all too much. She’s about to give birth to our child and all the focus is on her. Nobody’s paying me any attention, it’s all about her.

ADULT SOLUTION: This is a big day for both of us. It must be terrifying giving birth for the first time. I’ll forget about myself for now and help her through this even though it’s a bit scary and no one is bothering about me.

CHEATER SOLUTION: I’ll tell her now, tell her that it’s all over between us, that we’re finished that I don’t actually want to be with her. This will cause her huge panic and upset and result in me being thrown out of the delivery room by staff.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Tonya

Words fail me.

Kelly
Kelly
9 years ago
Reply to  Tonya

Holy f*ck, Tonya, that is beyond horrific. What a monster.

DeltaGirl65
DeltaGirl65
9 years ago
Reply to  Tonya

OMG — I found out (after D-Day) from OW’s then-husband, that the plan hatched by OW and my H was to tell me he was divorcing me AS SOON AS I HAD GIVEN BIRTH to our son — our second child — while I was still in the hospital. What kind of people actually PLAN to tell the wife in the hospital delivery room????? I think it was his way of putting her off just a bit, buying some time, “I’ll tell her as soon as the baby is born.” But, after a harrowing labor and delivery (baby was over 10 lbs and was in distress a few times) I guess my H chickened out. Turns out OW got REALLY PISSED at him for not telling me then. Instead, I got the bomb dropped on me one week later at 1 a.m. right after the midnight feed. Of course, he said nothing about having an OW. Just how terrible a wife I was (what? for setting him up in business not once, but twice?) and how unhappy he had been for a “long time.” So he goes and gets me pregnant not once but twice????? One would think he could have cut me loose if I was such a terrible wife! Ha ha ha ha. What is it about these folks and delivery rooms????

Nicole
Nicole
9 years ago
Reply to  DeltaGirl65

That is horrible…it never ceases to amaze me even with all the awful cheater stories I have heard…the depths of depravity and hatefulness (and pure selfishness) of these cheaters. What type of once-celled amoeba does something like dump his wife one week after having a baby?? Truly a lower life form with no soul….

Tonya
Tonya
9 years ago
Reply to  DeltaGirl65

Wow Delta that is truly horrific. What an absolute pig and bitch. For a man to do that to the mother of his child and for a woman to do that to another woman is just cruel beyond belief.

Special place in hell for both of them.

notyou
notyou
9 years ago
Reply to  Tonya

Hope security literally TOSSED that one.

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

She’s BETTER WITHOUT his Sorry Arse…

LABOR is HARD Enough.

zyx321
zyx321
9 years ago
Reply to  Tonya

Wow. Words fail.

Verity297
Verity297
9 years ago

PROBLEM
Unhappy, Hitting 50, Best friend dies.
ADULT SOLUTION
Share thoughts and feelings with wife.
CHEATER SOLUTION
Fuck best friend’s widow.

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
9 years ago
Reply to  Verity297

* GROWLS *

W T F !!!!!!

Killing 2 Birds with ONE Fuck ? !

Tonya
Tonya
9 years ago
Reply to  Verity297

Verity yours reads somewhat like a haiku.

Perhaps there should be a competition whereby chumps attempt to condense the all the fuckedupness into a three line, seventeen syllable haiku!

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  Tonya

This is not a cheat story Or it may be I’m not sure?

Problem: Husband dies leaving wife with 13yr old child from previous marriage and 4yr old from theirs.

Adult solution: Grieve, Heal, love your kids get healthy draw on family and friends for support.

Bullshit solution: Less than a month after husband dies go to Christmas eve party at neighbors house, have sex with neighbors brother who has just been released from prison. Christmas morning let him move in and then become offended at family when they arrive at your home Christmas day to support you and the kids through this tough time when they show there displeasure that you already have a new man.

true story this way my mother and I was the 4 yr old.

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  Sammie D

Oh, Sammie! Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and make people’s childhoods better, This is one of those times.

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  ANR

ANR, I had to stand up to someone tonight that has in the past tried to bully me into submitting to his authority and he is not my husband. And his argument was if I had had a real father figure in my life I wouldn’t be acting the was I was. Basically I was setting boundaries with this person and calling him and his posse on the BS, lies and utter disgusting behavior which I have endured from them since my D”DAY. Truth is I had a better relationship with the X crim my mother brought home that Christmas than I did with her and he went back into jail to escape her when I was 16.
Please don’t feel sorry for me as I see that we are all shaped my our journey and as we get older we acknowledge it for what it is and move on. I have moved on. I am grateful I am not on the other side of the fence having a pity party saying yes I cheated but just look at my FOO issues. I like Chump nation and i know It is a far better place to live. Boundaries are not fully set with this person yet but the cement is drying. 🙂

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  Tonya

CL did a Valentine’s day contest version of that: https://www.chumplady.com/2013/02/infidelity-valentines-contest/

Tonya
Tonya
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

How cool, I just took a quick look. What fun!

There’s also the six word story thing à la Ernest Hemmingway – (Baby shoes. For sale. Never worn.) Reckon chumps could get creative and have a laugh with that too.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  Verity297

Oh Lord! What a way to comfort someone in their time of grief.

Kelly
Kelly
9 years ago

Ooh ooh me too!

Problem: After I got married, I realized that a “normal” life with wife and kids was not for me. I like a wilder kind of sex life, possibly polyamorous situations, and frankly there are one or two women at work that I am starting to hang around with in a way that is improper and I know is leading to more. My wife and I just really don’t have the same viewpoints about sex and life in general. My wife is successful and that makes me feel inferior, and she does not praise me like these other women do. This just isn’t the wife, family or lifestyle for me. I just didn’t realize all of this until now.

Solution: My wife will be very angry and upset, we have (two and eventually while all of this is going on) three children. But she is already suspicious and asking a lot of questions. So instead of denying, I am just going to tell her the truth. That way we can divorce and she can move on and re-marry, and even have more kids if she wants. And then I can live the kind of life I want too. And I will still have a relationship with and support my children, and in the end my wife and I may become friends or at least friendly.

Cheater solution: I will just lie to my wife, tell her she is insanely jealous and has mental problems to boot. I’ll go to her family and friends to help convince her she is just crazy, and that I am really a great and loving husband. I will act like I adore her. I don’t want to be embarrassed, everyone thinks I am a great guy. And my wife makes more money than these other women, I deserve to have that kind of support for my consulting business which I am sure is finally about to take off. Plus, I can have all kinds of sex and use the family’s money to look like I am a success, and the family is an awesome front and makes me feel like a big fish in a small pond. No one will catch me because I am so special, (look I’ve gotten away with it for over 15 years!) But just in case my wife does, I will keep the other women on a back burner. And if I’m caught I’ll just start a “new” life and leave my wife and young adult and teen children behind. I’ll refuse to go to counseling to keep a relationship with my kids… They are like their mother, they don’t really appreciate how incredible I am! I don’t feel good about myself if I think about them at all, so I just won’t. Hey, there’s a whole other world out there for me now, and it’s all about ME.

lucky35
lucky35
9 years ago

PROBLEM: Despite a healthy and happy relationship with a mature, beautiful, generous and loving woman, I have commitment issues stemming from my messed up childhood. Why waste time talking about it, right? I choose to deal with my issues by being irrationally angry, talking about wanting to kill my mother, and getting drunk all the time.

ADULT SOLUTION: Create and enforce healthy boundaries between self and mother to minimize destructive feelings, seek counseling immediately and open lines of communication with supportive and loving girlfriend of 6 years.

CHEATER SOLUTION: At last! Found a divorcee with a 9 year old son who has low self-esteem, is incredibly lonely and actually gets turned on talking about misery and how life has screwed her over. Begin clandestine emotional (physical?) affair immediately. Lie to girlfriend, continue cheating, lie to affair partner by telling her the girlfriend is already dumped, finally dump girlfriend but not before enjoying one last gourmet meal that she spent 2 hours cooking for Easter.

zyx321
zyx321
9 years ago

Problem: both busy with stress of graduate school, attending different schools, etc. Most of we time only talk about “work.”

Adult solution: tell wife unhappy, start making time to do other things and talk about things other than work/school.

Cheater solution: have a physical affair with a fellow graduate student because she is “interesting.” (So much for not talking about work….). Gaslight wife.

Postscript: admit 12 yrs later that wife was not crazy… Really was an affair with unprotected sex.. Never mind potential danger to wife and baby (got pregnant 4-6 months after the affair was found out).

Mehsemerized
Mehsemerized
9 years ago

Problem:
I hide in a dark room with my computers instead of building relationships with humans. Bad stuff happens to me all the time. People expect too much of me. I buy equipment I probably won’t ever use on the internet with credit cards so I feel better. I’m the age my dad was when he died. I’m fat so I’ll go to the gym and spend many hours a week perfecting my physique. My wife doesn’t make me feel special. My wife just spends all her time working to support us- she makes me feel inadequate. My wife has friends and family that don’t like me- they expect me to go places and do stuff but I have critically important work to do and porn to watch. My son is my emotional trampoline- he is my reason for living and I would never do anything to hurt him. My wife doesn’t cook dinner for me. She’s so selfish, working her two businesses so she can lord the money over me. I pay my fair share- 20% of our household expenses- and the rest is mine, mine, mine to use for whatever I want. When we go out to dinner, sometimes my wife makes me decide where to go. My wife is so mean, she sleeps in the other room because I snore and she says she is tired because she is up taking care of our young son, and working a lot, but I need rest too! My wife is mean because she doesn’t come home from work in the middle of the day to have sex with me when I feel like it, and that’s convenient for me since I work at home. My wife thinks I should pick up my dirty clothes off the floor and put them in the hamper so she can wash them. One day I didn’t have any clean white socks!

Adult Solution:
Grow the fuck up and take off my martyr suit.

Cheater Solution: shop for new women on Ashley Madison and find a new one that makes more money than my wife. Use our kids as cover for our affair. Break up her marriage and treat her kids to me in bed with their mom on their first Father’s Day without their dad. Wait until my horrible wife files for divorce, then do everything in my power to rape her financially and drag out every possible court action so she spends the equivalent of our son’s first two years of college on legal fees…hopefully I can get her to waste even more of our son’s future on my attempts to make her look like the bad guy here. Treat my son as my therapist. Move in with my girlfriend an hour away from my son’s school and make him commute. Refuse to speak to son’s actual therapist when son wants to make changes to the parenting plan. Be a world-class dick… because I can.

dani
dani
9 years ago
Reply to  Mehsemerized

Oh my god…. yes to all of this. GROW UP! And what the fuck… why do they get mad when we can’t/won’t come home for a “nooner”. So annoying. I AM AT WORK ASSHOLE!

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  Mehsemerized

Sounds like Jabba the Hut!

Mehphista
Mehphista
9 years ago

Problem-Wife is depressed at doing all the heavy lifting childcare-wise, and from working four part time jobs to accomodate hubby’s work schedule. Gets even more depressed when she finds out her dad has cancer. She lives in another country, so wants to spend money to go and visit.

Adult solution-organize work schedule to take pressure off wife. Dip into savings for airline ticket. Comfort wife and child, who are about to lose father/grandfather.

Cheater solution-tell wife the money can’t be spared, but she could take on more work to earn the airfare. When she does, use that extra time to fuck brother’s ex who your kid regards as an auntie. Spend the extra money earned on coke and vodka. When kid starts self-harming as a way to cope, blame wife.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

That’s just sick Mephista! Glad you are away from him!

Mehphista
Mehphista
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Me, too. On the road to Meh!

Really
Really
9 years ago

PROBLEM: My FOO lied to me for years – I’m adopted.

ADULT SOLUTION: My wife tells me that fundamentally I am the same person and she loves me no matter what. I can ask the remaining relatives to tell me what they know. Oh, that didn’t work? My wife tells me we can get a copy of my original birth certificate from my country of origin, and does the work to get it. No record of me exists, because my parents falsified my records? My wife tells me that there are resources to help me locate my birth mother, or at least find out more information about my origins. She has even located a case worker in the country where I was born to help with this.

CHEATER SOLUTION: I’m gonna go fuck a 20-year-old (which actually happened).

Jewel
Jewel
9 years ago

Problem: Husband has a major alcohol problem that is affecting his health, marriage and job.

Adult Solution: Husband stops drinking, goes to AA, wife in turn will stop any alcohol consumption in support, and attend Alanon meetings. And be 100% supportive in helping him beat it.

Cheater Solution: Same DAY that husband decides to quit drinking, husband is found at bar across the street, drinking. Two days later gets the number of another bar-fly. Within a week, bar-fly skank moves into marital home while wife at sister’s house for the night getting support. Bar skank and he broke up of course a couple of years later, not without police involvement because two alkies together is always a good idea. Husband now getting “sober” in LA. You can’t make this shit up.

Dr. I Can't Believe I Am a Chump
Dr. I Can't Believe I Am a Chump
9 years ago

Problem: I just don’t feel like it [marriage] anymore. Just like I did not feel like my last job. Just like I didn’t feel like my last 20 cars. Just like I didn’t feel like law school. Just like I didn’t feel like my last girlfriend. I don’t care.

Adult Solution: I might want to get that sociopathy checked out.
OR
Adult Solution: I am a self-proclaimed a-hole. I cannot commit to anything. Let’s get a divorce because I have issues I probably will never address, but we will do this with dignity and respect because that is the decent thing to do.

Cheater Solution: I will screw someone else. Because I feel like it. But I won’t tell you that. I will walk out while you beg for some logical rationale for my batshit crazy behavior. I don’t care.

I am convinced Carole King was onto my husband before he was even born.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCEBLHd0v6I&feature=kp

notyou
notyou
9 years ago
notyou
notyou
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

I’m sorry that was Carly Simon he met later!

GoddessNot2
GoddessNot2
9 years ago

Problem: My wife is upset I spend 3-5 nights and weekends with my best guy friend.
Adult solution: cut back on some of the going out and spend time with the family and with her.
Cheater solution: whine and cry about how I am misunderstood to the bar tender and drown my pities in more booze, then fuck her and start spending all my time with her…….

Yep, that solved everything!!!! At least for me…. 🙂
Good riddance!!!!!

Reyn
Reyn
9 years ago

Problem: Me and my partner don’t have as passionate relationship as we did years ago due to the stress of renovating a house and the financial and time pressures it brings.

Adult Solution: Talk to my partner about my desires and work out a way that we can bring that spark back into out relationship and make more time for each other.

Cheaters Solution: Fuck a Guy I only just met a few hours earlier at a conference that my partner paid for me to attend to help me advance my career. This new guy said he is going to me my mentor, career advancement achieved!

FLChump
FLChump
9 years ago

Problem: I lost my job and I’m suffering from very low self-esteem.

Adult Solution: I talk to my wife, therapist, or a friend about how I am really feeling. Take pride in my new home, young daughter, and new job.

Cheater Solution: I go to massage parlors every day for hand jobs until I run out of money.

Witty29
Witty29
9 years ago

Problem: New wife’s cat dies

Adult solution: Commiserate. Get new cat.

Cheater solution: Fuck 50 hookers.

Tonya
Tonya
9 years ago
Reply to  Witty29

Am loving these three liners!

samiam
samiam
9 years ago
Reply to  Tonya

lol funny

Scoops
Scoops
9 years ago
Reply to  samiam

That just cracked me up. You really can’t make this up.

Chris
Chris
9 years ago
Reply to  Witty29

Cat dies—>Fuck hookers. That’s a double entendre joke just BEGGING to be written.

But alas, I’m going to be a gentleman today and NOT channel my inner-Mrs. Slocombe….

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  Chris

Someone needs to make a meme of a picture of Dean “ugly as a bag of smashed assholes” McDermott with “cat dies” at the top and “fuck 50 hookers” at the bottom. There’s a mug I’d buy at cafepress.com.

Witty29
Witty29
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

LMAO – what an excellent idea… me too 🙂

Witty29
Witty29
9 years ago
Reply to  Chris

Mrs Slocombe!! 🙂 Now there’s a blast from the past 🙂

notyou
notyou
9 years ago
Reply to  Witty29

Absolutely love “Are You Being Served.” Have them all on DVD.
“Keeping Up Appearances” runs a close 2nd tho. 😉

Witty29
Witty29
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

What about “Only Fools & Horses” ? I miss British telly 🙂

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
9 years ago
Reply to  Chris

Ha !

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  Witty29

I know that’s not funny, but it sure made me laugh! Cat dies = fuck 50 hookers. Yeah, that’s makes sense!

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

LOL at “cat dies = fuck 50 hookers”

Boy, cheaters really have *no idea* how cause and effect relationships work.

Good thing his parrot didn’t die. I heard that causes a cheater to bugger 50 syphyllitic possums.

Witty29
Witty29
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

LOL! 🙂

Witty29
Witty29
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

It did to him apparently lolololol 😉

Happy at Last
Happy at Last
9 years ago

Problem: My wife gives our kids ALL of her attention never mind that I don’t have anything to do with them unless someone else is around and it is to my advantage to do so. She also doesn’t appreciate the fact that I moved her 1800 miles so I could further my education and made her go to work to support me in this endeavor. Now that I work 12-hour shifts I have plenty of time to find new “friends” on Facebook and look at all the porn I want since I’m the only one home several days a week!!!! Wife also spends all weekend cleaning the house, doing the errands, and shuttling kids all over to their activities which I so graciously pay for since I’m the only one who works. Not sure what the wife does at work since she doesn’t bring home the size paycheck that I do. Since I make the majority of the money, why should I have to clean toilets or vacuum floors? MY day off is MY day off! Also, in my irritation due to the lack of getting enough bang for my buck, I’m verbally and emotionally abusive to the wife and kids. And since I make plenty of money I’ll just spend all I want. Who saves money for college and retirement anyway?

Adult Solution: Individual therapy, marriage counseling, family therapy – Help around the house, make intentional efforts to be a parent. Be respectful, appreciative, start telling the truth, quit gaslighting and projecting and all of the other narcissistic traits that I have.

Cheater Solution: It’s too much work to rebuild what I’ve destroyed. I’ll just become emotionally involved with someone at work who is a known home wrecker, and when I allegedly point a gun at her and she files a felony charge against me, I’ll get scared I could lose my job that only I worked and sacrificed to get to and promise the wife I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep our family together. Oops, it’s too hard to go to counseling and tell the truth. I’ll just tell the therapist I have PTSD from the war which I was never in and he can work on me from that angle. It’s not me that’s the problem anyway! I’ll fix myself with multiple liaisons with my new FB friends and when those women see through me, I’ll find someone on Match.com. Yep! Found her! SHE appreciates me because she is so happy she is not living in a $400/month hole anymore and now she doesn’t have to worry about the bills due to her autoimmune disease and the impending bankruptcy. But she gives me lots of attention and all I have to do is buy her lots of shiny things! This was the solution all the time!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Happy at Last

Good grief. What a douchebag.

Monika
Monika
9 years ago

I can play this game all day long.
PROBLEM:
I’ve been unemployed for some time and my girlfriend kept nagging me to get a pt job to supplement my unemployment checks. I got the pt job to appease her. I hate the pt job because it is below my skill level and doesn’t utilizes my college degree. I’m frustrated with how my life has turned out. I’ve been exhibiting extreme passive aggressiveness to cope with my reality and its problems. The only thing which seems to fill up the void is porn. Girlfriend is still nagging and seems unhappy. Now she started to nag me about therapy for us and for myself. Meanwhile, one of my clients owes me 1K for prof services and his wife has been texting me saying she could work something out on his behalf (true story.)
ADULT solution: I’m going to put away the porn and excessive net browsing (looking for bullshit) to kill time. I am going to explore the possibility of intensive therapy to gain some insight into my professional as well as personal problems. I will do everything possible to salvage my relationship, especially for the sake of my child. I will tell the whore wife of my client that I am not interested in adultery and take my client to small claims court for debt he owes me.
CHEATER solution: nah, I will just fuck my Client’s whore wife a few times to feel like the debt has been settled. Of course, I will not consult my girlfriend about this plan of action.

slg188
slg188
9 years ago

Problem: husband works 90+ hours a week, so no time to connect as a couple. Fall out of love.

Adult solution: make time to connect, have honest communication about needs, see a counselor, divorce, be reasonable and considerate to each other’s feelings.

Cheater solution: spend even less time at home because you’re screwing a married coworker, drink heavily when home, rewrite history, emotionally abuse wife, abandon family at Christmas and elope with other woman 30 days after divorce is final. Continue gaslighting and blame shifting ex wife for fun.

Yeah, it’s easy to trust my ex sucks…

Walking It
Walking It
9 years ago
Reply to  slg188

Rewrite history – hit home with me.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago
Reply to  Walking It

They all do it-It’s in their handbook!

Matt
Matt
9 years ago

Problem: Couple has grown apart over the years. Wife worked full-time to support them after moving away from home for husband’s grad school. Couple moved again for husband’s first job in his field, which was awful, and he looks for any way out — jobs in other states, going back to school for a different field, etc. Wife is afraid she’ll be abandoned just as she’s started going back to school herself.

Adult solution: Individual therapy (check) and marriage counseling, talking about problems and fears, and taking time to grow together into a mutually supportive relationship.

Cheater solution: Make friends with a 23-year-old guy in her area of study. Become emotionally dependent on him. Ignore concerns of husband, mom and sister. Never tell therapist what’s really going on. Get to “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” stage with husband and tell him the marriage is not a priority. Start sleeping with 23-year-old guy. Remain friends with said guy until two weeks before deciding to work on the marriage.

Mikky
Mikky
9 years ago

I must be getting closer to Meh because I just can’t be bothered to write ‘it’ all down again, but you know what his solution was anyway….

So here’s some levity ( you know, fun) from the blog thingsmyexsaid.com ( it isn’t mine!) and today’s post is spot on for this topic.

http://thingsmyexsaid.com/tag/things-my-ex-said/

ThingsMyExSaid
ThingsMyExSaid
9 years ago
Reply to  Mikky

Mikky, thanks for the shout out! Glad you are enjoying the site. And thanks for leading me to this one! A great find that I will be visiting again and again.

Akko
Akko
9 years ago

Problem: I spend so much time working at this start-up company, I don’t have any time to spend with my fiancee because I’m soooo tired after the commute. Whenever I have days off, all I want to do is sleep, but I also get upset when my fiancee doesn’t plan romantic getaways or fun evenings. Even if she makes plans though, I’ll ditch her to go have a drink with my co-workers without telling her.

Adult Solution: I really should spend some time with my fiancee. I’ll take a vacation or use my day off to spend some time with her instead of my co-workers that I see every day. Maybe I’ll even request that the start-up hire someone else to help me with my workload. I’ll also work on getting better about letting my fiancee know ahead of time if I’ll be going out with “the guys” so she can do something fun without waiting for a last-minute text from me canceling Date Night.

Cheater Solution: I’ll go fuck a co-worker who’s also engaged! That way, working’s kind of like the quality time couples need to have! She’ll also be more empathetic because we’re in the same situation!

Lily Bart
Lily Bart
9 years ago

PROBLEM: My wife just got a new job, making 50% more than her previous job, and slightly more than me for the first time. She is stressed and when I bring up having kids, she tells me she’d like to wait a year, save money, talk about what kind of parents we’d like to be. She tells me she’s worried about my drinking and pot-smoking, and that she’s scared of being a mother because of her own childhood, which wasn’t always easy.
ADULT SOLUTION: Talk to my wife about her fears, and acknowledge that they are real and that you will address them together. Spend time with her and let her know she’s your top priority. Tell her you’re proud of her when she shares the great reviews she’s getting from her boss.
CHEATER SOLUTION: Refuse to let my wife boss me around. She’s not the boss of me. Buy a gun and hide it in the attic. Drink more – in fact: throw cocaine into the mix for extra fun. Start reaching out to old girlfriends on Facebook to see who’s still interested. Start an affair with an old friend of a friend who is going through her own marital difficulties. Tell her what a bitch my wife is, and agree with her when she tells me that my wife is the source of all of my problems.
When my wife finds out about the affair, tell her it’s because she’s so difficult and that she should have begged me to impregnate her. Anything else is emasculating. Tell her the stress of being found out is too much for me to take. Buy a motorcycle to cheer myself up.

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  Lily Bart

I’m glad you didn’t breed with this fucktard, Lily Bart.

ThatGirl
ThatGirl
9 years ago

PROBLEM: i to spend money and look like the big successful man in front of my work acquaintances and bar buddies. So I insisted that my new wife and I buy this really expensive house in the hot part of town. But now I realize that owning a big house is takes so much more time and money than an apartment like I’m used to, and I like to spend my time and money only on things I like.

ADULT SOLUTION: Talk with wife how household chores can be shared or hired out. Discuss with her how we can budget both our salaries so I can still spend some money on myself.

CHEATER SOLUTION: Say nothing. Instead continue to spend money like I’m single. Do nothing around the house, leave repair, maintenance and bill paying up to the wife. Be sure to accept as many weekend oncalls on the job so I won’t be home until the evening, so I can say how tired I am…even though I work as a manager and sit at my desk all day handling complaints and such. If I want to buy something expensive for myself, take money out of my retirement fund and say nothing to the wife or the IRS. When the IRS catches on, hide the notices until the tax bill is over 20 grand. Let the wife sort it all out, while I continue to entertain bar whores in my fancy retirement money funded SUV.

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
9 years ago

See a Pretty Woman who has Great Potential on a Dating site Who Plainly States She Has NO kids and Doesn’t Want a Man with ANY…

Adult Solution : Respect Her Wishes, Know that What You ARE and Your Situation isn’t what’s BEST for HER, Wish her Well and Good Luck in Love and Find Someone who’s Actually Looking for Someone Like You.

Cheater Solution : LIE to HER About Having NO Kids…EVEN Though You’ve got , Not only Several, but Several BabyMamas Too…..Not only THAT..Lie to Her About EVERYTHING, Except your Love for Animals, Gardening, and your Nieces and Nephews.

To HELL with what SHE Wants and Needs.