Dave Grohl Does a Lot of Therapy
Dave Grohl has a new album to promote along with his 430-plus sessions of therapy. Apparently, he has a lot to work out.
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For all of you wondering how the reconciliation between Dave Grohl and Jordyn Blum is going after (oops) Dave had a baby daughter with a groupie, the answer is swimmingly. Divorce was averted. They’re appearing in public together. And Dave Grohl is doing therapy.
So much therapy.
He talked to the Guardian about it.
In his first newspaper interview after fathering a child outside his marriage, Grohl discusses his changed outlook, his grief for Taylor Hawkins, and the 430 therapy sessions he’s had.
Grohl was there to promote his new album — which may or may not have cryptic references to how he feels about cheating on the mother of his children after passing himself off as the Nicest Guy in Rock and Roll. Grohl was short on specifics about his contrition. BUY THE ALBUM, PEOPLE. You’ll have to intuit for yourself how he really feels. Play it backwards. Turn me on, dead man. Feel its vibrations until you see unicorns.
No drama.
If you’re looking for the reconciliation redemption story in the Guardian feature, you’re going to have to wade first through a lot of waffle about Dave Grohl’s creative process, rock stardom history, and fallings out with bandmates. Mercurial firings, passive-aggressive drum tracks. It’s almost as if he’s often a FW with other people. But lest we conclude that, we’re assured:
“When we were first rehearsing in the mid-90s, Dave said: I just want this band to be low-drama, and for it to be fun.”
Low drama, just for fun, is probably what Dave tells all his groupies.
Anyway, the important thing to know is this entire scandal has been very hard on Dave Grohl. But it’s part of his growth journey. Which does not include, among all those column inches, anything resembling contrition towards his wife and children. Would it be so hard to say “I was a shitty person”? Must the frame be Dave Grohl’s genius and exquisitely sensitive feelings?
Over 430 therapy sessions
I’m just going to recline.” Weighing up the seating options in a luxury London hotel suite, Dave Grohl opts for the sofa. He lays his head and swings his legs round until his black leather boots are resting on the upholstery, and clasps his hands across his stomach. Punk-rock disregard for shoe etiquette aside, it’s the classic pose of the psychoanalysed. “I’ve been in therapy six days a week for 70 weeks,” he says. “I did the math the other day: over 430 sessions.”
I don’t think “over 430 therapy sessions” is the flex Dave Grohl thinks it is. Yes, you could interpret this as “Dave Grohl is committed to therapy.” You could also interpret it as: “This crazy don’t break.”
Was there any sort of goal-setting?
“I’m not the greatest communicator,” Grohl admits. “I might be able to hold a conversation but maybe not often able to say the thing that I really want to say. It’s easier in song.” Through therapy, he says he’s learned to be more communicative. “Not only with others, but with myself.”
Oh, well you can communicate with yourself. Gold star. We won’t ask the timid forest creature for any further insights, you’ll have to listen to the song lyrics.
A new existential perspective
According to the interview, his mother’s death profoundly changed him. It was the first thing he really allowed himself to feel. (Grief which apparently later expressed itself by impregnating a mistress.)
This moment, along with the hundreds of hours of therapy, gave Grohl a new existential perspective. He characterises himself as someone who was once “pulled in different directions emotionally without having this anchor, this centred feeling”.
Some people consider a family an emotional anchor. Just a thought. I can’t imagine Jordyn feels slighted or anything.
I trace back his 70-week therapy timeline, which must have started shortly after the admission of infidelity: was that what prompted him to go? He waves the question away: “There were so many things that led me to this therapy.”
Your wife threatening a divorce summons, maybe?
Later, I press him further about the scandal, and he cuts me off. “I have to be perfectly honest. Writing songs and writing lyrics about these things is sometimes enough. As far as having a deeper, longer conversation about them, I still do reserve a lot of this for my own personal life, as impersonal and public as it may seem. But I think that for many reasons, I wound up in a place that I needed to stop and sit with myself and re-evaluate myself. It’s an ongoing process.”
Nothing says honesty like waving away questions and refusing to answer them. Hey, listen to the songs and hear what you want to hear. Dave is very busy now re-evaluating himself. He’ll call you if he has any insights. Or not. Probably not.
Don’t destroy yourself.
How did it feel to go on social media and make that public admission about his affair? “I had to turn everything off, one of those things being my concern for what other people think. Being able to shut off that part of yourself can be sometimes a very healthy exercise in considering life within your immediate radius. Not giving all of that so much currency within yourself that it can completely destroy yourself.”
Oh, Dave. I think you’re a natural at turning everything off and not caring what people think. Compartmentalization superpowers allow you to conduct a double life. But let’s rebrand it as “healthy.”
Dave’s ambition has been very hard on Dave.
There have been other self-discoveries. “There were years where I was so overly ambitious with things, like a documentary series on HBO, writing a book, whatever. I think having grown up in suburban Virginia with a public-school teacher as a mother, any opportunity you got, you would take. But over time, you spread yourself so thin. And so I look back and I’m like, God, what was I trying to prove? There is such a thing as addiction to achievement, and it’s dangerous. You’ll set a goal for yourself and you put everything you have into it; the world disappears. Then you achieve that finish line, and it feels good for 24 fucking hours, and that feeling immediately goes away. And there’s that hole again, there’s that emptiness, and you’re like, shit, I need to fill it up with something else.”
Achievement addiction is kind of a humble brag. F*cking around on your wife and daughters, not so much. By all means address your imposter syndrome and workaholism in therapy, but if after 430 sessions of therapy you can’t see that the real issue is betraying and traumatizing the people closest to you, I’m not sure you’re doing your homework. Put your achievement addiction to work on that.
Could someone please find Dave Grohl’s heart?
Is that how he ended up cheating on his wife? Grohl laughs, grimly. “No. I think that’s how I ended up overextending myself and getting lost. I wasn’t sitting with myself and really letting [feelings] go from my head into my heart. Getting to the point where I was just like, I need to stop, turn everything off and find my heart.”
Dave is wayward. Could someone please pin his address to his sweater and reorient him toward home?
“We just all wanted to run and give him a big hug,” Smear says, and “let him know, both of them” – Grohl’s wife included – “that we are here.”
Well that’s nice that you remembered Jordyn too. As false equivalency hug afterthought.
Grohl said in his public statement that he hoped to win back the trust of his wife and family. Has he done that? He redirects me again to the lyrics. “I think they speak volumes. Maybe more than I can speak right now.” He picks out single Your Favorite Toy, “basically one side of yourself screaming at the other: I’m almost taunting myself for all of those things that needed to be examined.” Can you articulate what those things are? “No.” He gives me a mirthless smile, teeth clamped.
Dave must go recline on his fancy hotel sofa now. After 430 therapy sessions he cannot articulate his feelings. It’s all been too much. Shall he win back his wife and family’s trust? Does he even want to? Interviewer, fan, errant groupie, you must do the heavy lifting for the World’s Nicest Rockstar. Buy his album. Infer what you must. Send more therapists, stat.
Also, anyone else getting pick me vibes off Jordyn Blum in that People instagram above? Her very taut face says “How do you like them apples?” I know pick me chump triumphalism when I see it.
Absolutely. The sparkly turd is “mine, all mine!”
Take the money and run.
To me, the look on Jordyn’s face in those photos corresponds to Grohl being really coercive and tantrum-y behind the scenes. I think average people married to obscure loser FWs tend to be terrified enough of the potential fallout from blameshifting smear campaigns that all FW’s engage in as part of post-separation abuse. Especially to someone who’s already traumatized from years of gaslighting and isolation, it probably feels like playing Russian roulette trying to guess whether those smears could trigger Dickensian ruin. Will you lose friends or even family due to the false charges? Lose a job or opportunities for future employment? Custody of children? Will some crazy flying monkey get fired up by the lies and try to run you over in a parking lot?
But imagine how paralyzing those smears are when coming from someone who can set them to music and sell the DARVO to a million rabid fans? At least based on the title song, I get the feeling the entire new album is barely concealed DARVO, blameshifting, putdowns and threats:
Nyah-nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah-nyah (nanny, nanny boo boo)
Your pretty face in a mirror (I’ll tell everyone how vain you are)
One hand to spin the lens (and how you need filters to look like that)
But it ain’t getting clearer (Unsubtle reference to Dream On by Aerosmith, i.e.,Yer gettin’ old bitch)
Dead gardens from bad seeds (Yer in perimenopause)
But nice guys grow on trees (You’ll never find love again and will die alone because all men suck worse than me)
Big smile, try not to choke on the glitter (You try to put a good face on it and so far it’s gaining you public sympathy but you’re crumbling because my abuse is working, yay).
[Chorus]
Get back, hear that, boy? (I’ll tell everyone how you treat me like a dog, you emasculating bitch)
Someone threw away your favorite toy for good (No more porn or groupies? Think your ultimatums and punishments will hold?)
For good
Hey! (Hah)
[Verse 2]
Outside and out of time (You put me in the dog house and I resent it, poor me)
I’m coming down to the wire (You pushed me too far. See “emasculating bitch” above)
Hold fast and hold my hand
And hold me over the fire (I choose to view your long suffering devotion and commitment as control and suffocating punishment)
Can’t keep my glasses clean (You want me to wear horse blinders so I don’t see..)
Candy and dopamine (All the f*ckable options around me)
So sweet So sweet, it’s gonna give me the shivers (But I still want the f*ckable options, hah)
[Chorus]
Get back, hear that, boy?
Someone threw away your favorite toy for good
For good
Hey!
(Na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na)
Get back, hear that, boy?
Someone threw away your favorite toy for good
For good
This! Plus I think therapy for these types only makes them more brazenly cruel.
Dreadful lyrics, as always. Your translations are much better.
And how! “Dread” is what it’s all about, as in Red Pill “dreading.” AI explanation below which of course doesn’t mention coercive control or the fact that people who use CC tactics are statistically the most likely to dangerously escalate:
The “dread tactic” or “dread game” is a manipulative relationship strategy used within Red Pill and manosphere communities designed to make a female partner feel insecure about the stability of the relationship. The goal is to induce fear—or “dread”—that her partner might leave or find someone else, thereby forcing her to act more submissive, affectionate, or compliant to retain him.
How the Dread Tactic Operates
Red Pill ideology (often associated with Pick-Up Artists or Men Going Their Own Way) argues that men should maintain high “Sexual Market Value” (SMV) and that women are inherently hypergamous (seeking higher-status partners). To counter this, they use dread to control the power dynamic. Tactics include:
Levels of Dread
The tactic is often categorized by its severity:
Risks and Consequences
Dread tactic usage is controversial even within its own sphere and often backfires:
The tactic is largely viewed by critics as emotionally abusive, toxic, and a form of “negging” used to manipulate a partner’s self-esteem.
I think she looks like she’s trying real hard not to slap him 😆
Totally part of it! While the rest of the world wonders how a woman who looks like a goddess ended up with one of the laid off caveman brothers from an old Geico commercial.
I wistfully see it as, “As soon as I get my ducks in a row with my lawyer, (unknown to the cheater) and we get all the money we can from this next song, I am outta here.”
I hope you’re right.
I certainly hope so, but she’s waited a long time if that’s her ultimate goal. I’m thinking she’s hoping to be a rich rock and roll widow.
Yeah, it’s not like he wasn’t already worth plenty when the cheating came to light. She didn’t need to wait for another album.
The thing is, many of us have been there. The Pick Me dance exists for a reason. My ex was awful. He made everything in life harder than it had to be. I was so afraid of him because he was so angry and controlling, but he was also so negative in smaller more insidious ways, go out for a meal, having a lovely time, tiniest issue, and he makes a huge deal of it. He could never just enjoy things. Always criticizing something or someone.
All to say, he was a terrible husband. And that’s before the cheating.
Many chumps will look in hindsight and say “I owe the AP a thank you for taking this FW off my hands”. I can’t go quite that far, because during the discard I was truly afraid he might off me. But I digress, the point is, the cheating was finally something that I just couldn’t sweep under the rug or normalize. So it got me out of that marriage.
But even still…in the early days just after D-Day, I did win a gold medal in the pick me dance olympics. There was just some kind of visceral trigger that made me feel like I was at risk of losing “everything”. Well, ok, let’s be real, divorce is hard financially, I was facing plenty of loss both with assets, future security and time with my kids. But the pick me dance wasn’t about those things. It was so much more about fear of losing that big pile o’ poo I was married to. Not wanting that AP interloper to come in and take my life.
The likelihoood that Jordyn felt that same fear is high. And in her case, the fact that it all rolled out in public? That can only serve to heighten all the feelings.
But now that she’s “won”? That initial panic will subside. And it’s totally possible that sometime not too far down the line, she will come to her senses and take the money and run. It might be easier for her to do it when she feels like it is entirely HER choice to leave, versus him dumping her for a groupie that “whoops” got prego.
This would be amazing! Time will tell.
I did, too.
Nothing says contrition and commitment to self-examination like counting your therapy sessions as if they were days in solitary confinement or lashes you received for trying to escape the prison farm. What an entitled douche.
What you say is funny because it’s so true.
HAHA
So, in other words, the arsonist called the fire department after burning the house to the ground.
The house is still burned down.
I am not an advocate of staying with an arsonist.
In an effort to avoid repeating the terrible marriages modeled to both of us, I asked Traitor Ex if he would join me in couples counseling when he agreed to date me exclusively.
We went on a frequent regular basis for the entire 27 years we were together.
At DDay I discovered he had been lying and keeping secrets the entire time.
I’m still glad I went. I learned, and continue to learn, a lot and my therapist is an invaluable living record of truth and facts to counter his efforts to rewrite history. She fired him as a client for lying and she is my rock to this day.
My local domestic violence prevention organization taught me that TRUST and SAFETY are the two non-negotiable characteristics of a healthy relationship.
Expecting trust and safety from a cheater or a side piece is like going to the butcher to buy bread.
Cheaters and side pieces prove with their own behavior that they are neither safe or trustworthy. And therefore are really better suited for each other.
My new standard is LEAVE AT THE FIRST LIE.
♥️
“ but if after 430 sessions of therapy you can’t see that the real issue is betraying and traumatizing the people closest to you, I’m not sure you’re doing your homework.”
I wonder if his betraying is even addressed in therapy, after all he might not be willing to pay for so many therapy sessions if he had to hold up a mirror to his slimy character.
My exFW started therapy after we separated. He has been going for a few years now. He hasn’t changed. He SAYS he has. And in fairness, he leaves me alone a lot of the time. Early on, post-separation he was still finding any way he could to try to engage me. More recently that has mostly stopped.
I can’t say for sure why. Perhaps my low contact finally did it’s magic, or the new gf is engaging enough that he doesn’t feel the need to bother me, or maybe the therapy has helped in at least that one small way.
But when push comes to shove, he is still a person that takes zero accountability for his actions. His younger sister is getting married soon, he is not invited. Why? Because he has always been a jerk to her. I am invited. Mind you, we have minor children that are nieces of the bride. I think his sister does genuinely like me, but on a practical level, I’ll be bringing her nieces to the wedding. This isn’t really about me or choosing me over him. He recently found out that he isn’t invited. He believes that he is not invited because his cousin, who he doesnt get along with, has been “telling stories” about our marriage and why it ended to family.
Years of therapy and he can’t even acknowledge that he has ruined his relationship with his sister with his own behaviour. No it’s all “my cousin is telling stories and now I am not invied to my sister’s wedding”. And I promise you, he doesn’t care aboput being there FOR his sister. He doesn’t actually like her. I swear it’s because she came along and was the “baby” and got too much of mommy’s attention.
My STBX has racked up that many sessions at least. Hasn’t changed one molecule of his character. He told me shortly before he left that lying to me “kind of worked for him.”
Yep it kind of works for most of them, until they get caught or are ready to move on. Then of course they have their new(ish) target to lie to.
I doubt it’s being addressed. His therapist probably suggested the nonsense about his mom being a public teacher causing “achievement addiction.” Gotta blame the mother somehow. I guess I’m doomed to the same since my mother was a librarian. 🙄
I am sure you are right about it not being addressed. Obviously, in Grohl’s case, he is a public figure and his therapist is likely to know about the affair.
But for the average FW, a therapist can only address what they are told about. And FW’s are not known for their honesty so why would that change just because they are in therapy? .And even if Grohl’s therapist reads the news and knows, if Grohl doesn’t want to talk about the affair, his therapist won’t. The idea that Grohl prefers to talk about how his mommy made him an overachiever and how bad that was for his poor little self, vs how he was an entitled FW who cheated on his wife, well that sure tracks.
My ex used to sometimes tell me that his therapist said this or that. And it was always stuff that defended his side of things. I found it weird, until I realized that the FW can tell him whatever version of the facts he wants. Maybe he isn’t telling him even half of it.
Velvet Hammer went to counseling for over 25 years with her FW and he put on a fake front the entire time. DECADES! Can you imagine wasting your time like that, sitting in front of a counselor week after week..lying?
It’s crazy!
Good call. I roll my eyes when any adult perpetrator tries to grub amnesty for their terrible conduct by laying the blame on their parents. One might confess in disgust that one is becoming like one’s own abusers without trying to dodge consequences. But I roll my eyes out of their sockets when men who commit any grade of sexual abuse lay the blame on mum.
Most of the time it just doesn’t make sense because, unless their mothers were committing the same types of abuse these men grew up to commit, it’s a bit like claiming the virgin birth from a forensic standpoint which mostly posits that abusive adults are typically closely reenacting the abuse they experienced and/or witnessed growing up. In any event, when serial k*llers like Bundy and Kemper claim mommy’s nitpicking criticism drove them to torture, r*ape and k*ll, it usually comes to light these k*llers were covering up for violent, sexually abusive male role models and that blaming their mothers was also simply part of emulation of their abusive role models who generally blamed their own victims– who are typically female– for everything.
An even screwier thing I’ve seen is where abusive men shift from blaming dad to blaming mum. From what I’ve read, it can signals the person’s efforts to contain and conceal their dark core are starting to fail and the mask is really coming off. It appears to be the case with Grohl since apparently his autobiography was filled with bitter reflections on his detached, neglectful daddy and nice things about his sweet, supportive mother. Given the comment you highlighted, it suggests that Grohl may be completing his lifelong transformation into Cat 5, balls-out trad bigot and misogynist.
He is become daddy, the destroyer of families which suggests that capacity was always there, he’s way worse than we know and the nice guy veneer was always thin as toilet paper. This seems to be the case since a cross search on “Grohl + misogyny” and “Grohl + homophobia” brought up all sorts of creepy things. For one, Grohl’s documentary Sonic Highways was panned by feminists for completely “disappearing” the Riot Grrrl movement in the Seattle scene the documentary covered. Apparently female artists only appear in flashes in the doc when they’re giggling at Grohl’s stupid jokes.
The Foo Fighters came under fire for doing a concert to raise money for the AIDS denialist org, Alive and Well which spreads lethal misinformation about HIV and is widely regarded as anti-LGBT. https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2000/02/foo-fighters-hiv-deniers/
Grohl also repeated the bizarre hater campaign he’d once aimed at Courtney Love at Taylor Swift which caught a lot of people by surprise because he’d previously claimed to be “obsessed” with TS to the point that he joked she would have to get a “restraining order.” True to form, it turns out that Cobain once admitted that Grohl had been into Courtney.
This guy is openly abusive to women who reject him and will even use his fan base to put fatwas on them. I imagine his poor frog-boiled wife is terrified of post-separation abuse for this reason.
Great catch! I bet Taylor Swift said no to him at some point.
I think your analysis is spot on and he’s a classic toxic “nice” guy with daddy issues. They always end up as carbon copies of their scumbag fathers.
My personal theory is that both RIC and CSAT simply recycled and repurposed all the moldy old, debunked victim-blaming theories from back in the bad old days of yore when battered women were blamed for “attracting/seeking” abusers on their codependent victim tractor beams. In any event, Grohl’s new narrative sounds like it’s right out of the RIC/CSAT throwback playbook, including the gymnastic contortions to find a way to blame Grohl’s consuming ambition, narcissism and abuse on his mother (or maybe public school teachers in general?) rather than his cold, disapproving, sociopathic daddy.
To paraphrase Khaled Hosseini, “Like a compass needle that points north, a
man’s[RIC/CSAt therapist’s] accusing finger will always find a woman. Always.”My mother was a secretary and it’s all her fault. 🙂
Right? No way my ex being a liar and cheater are her fault. She was not perfect anymore than anyone else; but she did the best she could. And her daughter was not a liar and cheater. At least not to my knowledge.
At some point adults need to take responsibility for their own actions, unfortunately many don’t; and many are even encouraged not to buy “therapy”. Taking accountability for one’s own actions doesn’t generally result in years of therapy payments though.
Please note: I am all for long term therapy, but not years of navel gazing therapy with no results and no accountability for the patient or the therapist.
This. My cheater dad was in intensive psychoanalysis for *years*, and all it ever did was encourage his self indulgence and unwillingness to live in a real world in which actions and non-actions have consequences.
“I am all for long term therapy, but not years of navel gazing therapy with no results and no accountability for the patient or the therapist.”
Hard agree. If you’re in therapy for years with no observable change, you’re occupying a chair/couch and little more.
buy = by
After divorcing my cheater, he messaged me about his new girlfriend (whom he started dating before the ink was even dry on the decree but wouldn’t admit to this). He said “After reading 14 books on relationships and lots of reflection and counseling, I am seeing someone.”
Yep, as if reading 14 books on relationships and receiving counseling (where I am positive he completely manipulated his counselors), he’s a changed man who would NEVER do to his now-wife what he did to me. 🤢 All cured!
Dave Grohl sounds just as slippery and evasive and insincere as my ex. Poor Jordyn.
I can’t imagine talking to a therapist about yourself for 430 hours….
Notice the number of times he says “I” or “my own” or “me” in all of those quotes.
This, absolutely. Thank you for pointing it out.
So many words, so many words. Time will tell, but he’s a wreck. The therapy likely didn’t do much.
My ex had unresolved trauma, as well as all the attitudes long-term addicts develop. He had a pill addiction. Our marriage was developing cracks already when we separated the first time. After coming home from the hospital (he had tried to unalive himself), he promised-promised-promised sobriety and mental health treatment, which included medication for his wild moods. I never knew completely about sobriety, but the mental health treatment fell by the wayside after a month. He never took the medication and instead made porn and sex his high. Then he took off to “think” and was talking again about ending it. We separated again.
He promised therapy in our informal separation agreement and claimed he was looking for it while looking at rental places near the beach. Never happened. His very religious family was 100% against therapy. I came to believe that he was never going to do much on his side at all. I also had signs that he was cheating. The divorce and closeout were a mess, no surprise.
In retrospect, getting into therapy would have done squat for him from my perspective. In contrast, I had a lot of therapy and also joined a twelve-step group, where I’m in leadership now. Those did a lot for me.
I haven’t heard from him in several years, but he’s likely still alive because I’m still receiving payments. I guess he figured things out to some extent. But more likely he just revented himself his way versus going to therapy.
Jon Bon Jovi and Dave Grohl, the nicest guys in rock and roll…………they love their mothers and they are kind to their groupies and their spouses probably have entire drawers full of “shut up rings and bracelets”. I have mixed feelings about these situations. Cheating makes me furious, but why set yourself up for failure? During the Tiger Woods scandal, a friend who was also a recent immigrant from China remarked: “She knew what kind of man he was when she married him. What did she expect?” At first I thought: well, that reflects the opinion of a guy from another culture, but then……. that comment started me thinking about lifestyle and profession, and opportunities for infidelity. I decided then and there that it was a stupid, stupid move to ever engage seriously with a professional (or not so professional) musician, sports figure, entertainer, or any other profession that attracts groupies. If Thomas the Trash collector can’t or won’t keep his weenie in his pants, it is unrealistic to expect a bunch of superstars of various persuasions to stick to fidelity. Mrs. Bon Jovi and Mrs.Grohl should boogie on down to divorce court and set about fixing their pickers. This interview with Mr. Grohl only confirms my conclusions. He’s clearly not repentant and I’d bet money he’s not stopped either.
Ya, but the problem is that every lazy, balding, nose-picking, couch potato lounging cheater feels exactly the same entitlement. Narcissists come from all walks of life.
Paul McCartney. Bono. Charlie Watts. Billie Joe Armstrong. Stephen Curry. Lionel Messi. Justin Verlander.
They’re out there. It’s not all athletes, or all musicians.
I see that argument, but it’s also victim blaming. Like, how could she be so stupid as to trust him? I don’t know, because he BUILT AN ENTIRE IMAGE on being a wife guy? A nice person? A family man? Because she believed the promises made to her? Are we saying every musician, actor, entertainer, whatever is incapable of honesty or commitment? No one makes you get married. Plenty don’t. Why not openly cast for a harem? I guess i just refuse to write off entire scores of people, based on their profession, as transactional and narcissistic.
I agree. As my AP English teacher said, beware of gross generalizations.
Before reading here daily for eight years, I too believed those professions had higher rates of infidelity. And that belief probably contributed to my complacency and false sense of security and illusion of control.
Those professions, by their nature, get tons of publicity. I think that could easily create the perception that there is a higher rate of infidelity in those professions.
I now feel that infidelity is epidemic in our society.
Us regular folks just don’t get the press that famous people do.
…unless infidelity leads to homicide or suicide, which sadly often happens…
😪
ETA, just like every political doesn’t cheat. Too many of them do on all fronts, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hold out for accountability and transparency in our politics, instead of thinking we’re all a bunch of rubes for expecting ethical behavior.
Meh, he cheated. Question is why she would want to stay with him after that? Why did he cheat? Who knows or cares. He probably does or should (care that is) if he values his family but if not…well then consider the fam liberated.
I think he leaves her no choice but to leave. Her (and family’s) absence should be material to reflect on, unless of course you don’t care about the loss, then is it really a loss to anyone at that point?
I’d take my money, be pissed off at him for a time, and leave him to his whims. But then again, I’ve learned my lessons the hard way 😉
I just read up on his history, sounds like he is a serial cheater. As always, the cheating is coming from deep within him and won’t stop until he unpacks what’s behind it. I’m glad he’s going to therapy! I still wouldn’t stay if I were her, simply b/c it’s clear this is who he is. Even reading the stories online, it sounds as though he ultimately hooked up with her b/c his buddy nearly died of an OD?? Jeez, how romantic…he was frightened into committment? Gross. Much easier when two people genuinely, honestly, authentically choose each other and even then…there’s no telling how they will both change over the course of the partnership.
I think the fact that he was driven to committment out of fear is likely what needs to be explored and once unpacked – would he still make those same choices to commit? There’s no way of knowing and girlfriend is better off leaving to let him sort it out.
He didn’t hook up because his buddy OD’d. That’s his sad-sausage excuse, his way of being the victim instead of the perpetrator. “You can’t be mad at me, because my friend died.” Lots of people suffer grief and loss without betraying their spouses. He’s a liar.
It is crucial to remember that chumps are groomed slowly and purposefully. We are made to believe we are helpers and anchors for our cheaters. I believed I alone had super powers to hold on to a sorry not sorry individual(s)
I can assure you, this affair is not David’s first unconscious and unprotected roll over with his power tool. I can bet whatever I have left $after 2 divorces from active cheaters, that Jordyn has been fed these stories before…of FOO and grief and lessons learned /not learned. Therapy is not a cure, repentance and huge active sorrys might be. I’m certain as Im breathing ,that Dave has had numerous emotional or even physical affairs that he may have hinted at or even confessed to his wife.
. Both my cheaters had me thinking I was their Savior and guardian of their mental health. It is a heady position to smoking the hopium pipe. Jordyn might be angry but I doubt she is done and will soon join more half sibs of her girl’s where ever Dave drops them. At least he will pay for all his kids and confess to being a daddy. Sadly better than the horrendous child support vacuum in our country today.
A new album, sad songs, interviews, all pay off and keep the ME ME ME going. Sad but in my life,true
Wow, old guy contemplates his navel much? “This crazy doesn’t break” 🤣👌
His shitty, selfish character is PERSONAL! He’s not good at communicating! Except singing it because, $$$$. I express my appreciation of FWs through the channel of interpretive dance and hand signs 🖕🏻🖕🏻🤮, I find it much easier. 430 hrs of therapy wasted imho; he’s still putting his boots on the furniture which screams entitlement and a lack of concern for others.
Yeah that pissed me off too. Get your dirty cockroach killers off the couch, d**khead!
I think for most of us we needed time to process/come to terms with leaving and potentially experienced a few d-days before we left. I salute those of us who left right away after the first incident and I also salute those who left after more incidents and/or who were left behind by their cheaters. No matter how you slice it, it’s a tough journey. At least in time, Jordyn will have the comfort of Dave’s money. It won’t solve all her woes but it will help. 😊
What I am saying is I expect their marriage will implode eventually and they will divorce.
And he’s probably hiding assets in preparation for a divorce. Hopefully they have a prenup, and she won’t walk away with nothing.
I agree, most of them do. I read some stats many years ago that within 5 years of reconciliation of a betrayal the marriage ends anyway. I get that. I only wanted my marriage back for about 3 months before I faced the fact that it was dead, never to come back. But she has creature comforts that may help her last a bit longer. It is also not likely that she spends a lot of time around him.
I couldn’t stand to be near my ex when he came back home at his request. It lasted less than a week. I can’t even explain how awful it felt.
6 therapy sessions a week for 70 months! Odds bodkins, I can’t even get to the gym!
I want to give credit where credit is due and say he’s trying to change. And be impressed by the sheer scope of that all. But I have some stuff stuck in my craw here…
So dude sank probably half a million (if not the full 7 figures) into therapy over the last year and a half. I imagine he’s paying out of pocket-managed care being what it is I am pretty sure his insurance had kittens at claims for therapy for more than twice a week. Mine sends me the passive-aggressive “Explanation of Benefits” notices for the once weekly I get…granted I don’t have a drummer’s credit on Nevermind.
Condoms cost like a dollar or less. And “not being a Traitor” is even cheaper at “free”!
And he still can’t just cop to why he not only cheated but fathered a child in so doing?
Interesting. It’s almost like he’s trying to cope more with the negative feedback by shutting everything off than accepting accountability for wandering phallus.
Like, I realize he went full rockerboy before we hit the Social Media era and all, and this sort of thing was probably a lot more commonplace before we all started walking around with tiny movie studios in our pockets and purses. Times change. This is not something that happened after Nirvana dissolved-this happened very, very recently.
With how much he says communicating through music helps him…I really hope “therapy” is more nuanced than “sitting down to write lyrics for an album so he can keep making money.”
There is a haunting sort of parity to something I watched over the weekend. A character in their death throes (a celebrity in their universe, some would even say they are a Captain of such…) was waxing on their marriage and infidelity. They lamented being caught up in everything negative in their life and “losing their way” as well, similarly lamenting THAT they cheated but “not really knowing why” before moving to other regrets.
Like infidelity was some justified decision that they made because everything else sucked. Or something. I dunno, I’m not a traitor, and that skein is probably much more simple than I am giving it credit for to untangle.
I feel bad for this kid that he fathered-who knows, the day may come where they grow up and read what we are saying about it. Not because their father is an idiot per se. Because they will have in living color how much self-same father failed to take accountability for his mistakes (and if you are reading this, future person? I imagine continued to do so until the very bitter end).
Have a Mighty Monday!
With tremendous respect, I don’t think it’s possible to tell if he is trying to change.
Traitor Ex lied and kept secrets for 27 years while attending counseling with me. He has been seeing a therapist I referred him to for the eight years since DDay. He browbeat me
into going to co-parenting therapy. The results? He did not do one single thing he was asked to do. The lying continues. He’s running an illicit massage parlor. Zero behavioral evidence that he sees a therapist. I think he may be counting carpet fibers while sitting on the couch? Maybe paying someone to validate his victim status? Who knows. But judging by his behavior and his communication, I’d never know he was earnestly going to therapy and seeking to change.
Dave Grohl’s income is at least in part reliant upon his Good Guy image. I can’t tell if he is trying to change or trying to rehab his image.
♥️
…..my cynicism is showing!….
Oh, rehab, almost certainly. Guess my cynicism is showing too.
I apologize if my own cynicism concerning the matter isn’t more vibrant(perhaps it’s all the rain…)
To further clarify:
I want to believe that anybody that puts in that much tangible effort is trying. That is the last vestiges of my hope for humanity pinging around what used to pass for my heart. But I think that’s the purpose of the number there: shock and awe. Lest we forget-he is a showman. That is how he is affording therapy-by putting on that particular mask and doing that sort of shock and awe. My gut reaction at 430 therapy sessions in the last 1.5 years? “Seems high…wat a minute…”
I very much doubt he’s working much toward changing as a person/not being a traitor/fixing things(even though such things are well and truly past the point of repair). His demonstrated style of coping is “retreat”-and every time he is directly confronted on the affair he parries and changes the focus to the future. There is no humility. If anything he’s probably been paying a therapist to listen while he bitches about how awful his life is(again, if he’s not coding “sitting and noodling in his idea book” as therapy.
Even an ordinary FW narcopath, my ex H, was able to find a fawning charlatan of a therapist to do faux therapy (navel gazing victim crap and blameshifting). So Dave is almost surely with a coddling sycophant counting those therapy session $$$
I’m trying to figure out how much I would need to be paid to listen to his BS 6 days a week.
Interesting take on the therapy dollars. But yeah, of all the meaningful gestures he could make, investing money in himself, in his own motivations is where he goes. Wouldn’t it be easier to make actual tangible contributions to your victims? Give Jordyn an uncontested divorce settlement? Sign over an asset? Apologize to her family? Set up therapy trust funds for all the kids involved? No, the big I’ve Changed move we hear about is all the therapy hours he’s done. Tell us more Dave about Dave.
I find myself thinking that he’s stalling while he hides assets. And, of course, still cheating.
Dealing with insurance people as part of my living-at least for us commoners they are going to establish a plan of care for X amount of sessions across, say, 3-4 months. Usually that’s going to be once weekly for 9-12 weeks or whatever before they have to justify medical necessity. My friends in private practice tend to have clients with sessions either weekly or every other week because that is what insurance approves.
I get my therapy approximately weekly and have had my current therapist for coming up on a year. I will have to ask her what difficulties she has with that.
Without knowing the peculiarities? Six times weekly? I have been yelled at by insurance providers for far, far less. Either he’s doing it in 10-12 minutes a day (might I add, “the hell?!”) or he’s paying out of pocket(or he has the insurance that crazy rich people have-which is also possible). And if that’s for an hour…that half a million number all of the sudden seems pretty low.
Of course it would be easier to invest that in his victims. That’s not who this Rockerboy is though. 430 hours in therapy and he is deflecting accountability for the stated reason he is in therapy to begin with-not even an in passing “I have apologized and would prefer not to talk about it.” As you would say, it would seem that Mssr. Grohl “has a sad.”
I doubt he has insurance concerns or if he finds it expensive. If he did 430 one hour sessions at $300 an hour that’s $129,000. If it’s $1000 an hour, that’s insane, but we’re still at $430,000. How are you calculating this? Am I really off base on what navel gazing therapists cost?
Mea Culpa-I added a zero by mistake. That’s what I get doing my math before doing my coffee!
I apologize for any confusion that I may have generated.
(He DOES strike me as the $300/hour type.)
Celebrities live in an alternate universe so I find it hard to relate.
Jordyn is a stunningly beautiful woman face-lift or not. With the million$$$ she would get from a divorce it’s sad to see her clinging on to her FW. She has so much more resources than most of us chumps.
Maybe she’s addicted to being famous / celebrity adjacent. Dave sounds like my narc FW EX-FIL who worked in those circles.
To be fair, I did some clinging for a while too.
Many of us here did.
It’s rare for chumps to hit the rocket launcher immediately on DDay….
😪
I admire the ones who pack up their property after the first DD, move out, and leave divorce papers for the FW to find.
Of course!
I too did an embarrassing amount of clinging myself, accepting wild behaviors and levels of humiliation that nobody should accept from a partner.
I think having grown up in suburban Virginia with a public-school teacher as a mother …
Wait, WHAT?!?! He makes that sound like he grew up in Gaza, for chrissakes. The suburbs outside of DC are one of the wealthiest areas of the country. At worst, he was a middle-class American. But, yeah, Dave has to grab the victim mantle with both hands.
This may have been the kind of talk that would have gained him sympathy during the (very misogynistic) 1990s. Being Gen X myself, I remember those times very well. It’s pathetic.
IKR. What a douche. I figure he just had to find a way to blame mommy for his failures as a human being.
“I wasn’t sitting with myself and really letting [feelings] go from my head into my heart. Getting to the point where I was just like, I need to stop, turn everything off and find my heart.”
What drivel. Based on this interview I’m guessing what he didn’t find was his conscience.
I will not be listening to his lame lyrics to try to unravel the mystery of the performatively enigmatic Dave Grohl.
Considering there were dozens of articles with headlines tracking when Dave and Jordyn were seen without their wedding rings, I looked at the left hand he was shoving in his pocket in the People video above. Can’t tell when it was taken, but Dave’s hand was bare.
You can’t tell how much celebs/sources say to a reporter because it can be omitted or cut later by an editor. This story makes it clear that Dave was asked multiple times about his marriage and family, and he repeatedly refused to answer.
Nothing screams reconciliation recovery like holing up in a studio to produce a new album /s
What a conceited asshole. Counting his therapy sessions? This man wants a cookie for betraying his family and having zero ability to even say, “I love my wife and family and am incredibly fortunate to still have them by my side.”
I’m just sitting in the irony that my serial cheater ex was a HUGE fan of Dave Grohl.