Lillias White Will Cure What Ails You

by Chump Lady on April 23, 2014

Any Broadway geeks out there?

Need some kick ass uplift? Watch this version of Lillias White performing “Don’t Rain on my Parade.” Music starts at the 1:30 mark — SUBLIME at the 3:30 mark.

Barbara Streisand can crawl under a rock. Lillias OWNS this.

YEAH, don’t rain on my parade!


Cyberstalking, Bullies, and Censorship

by Chump Lady on April 23, 2014

Hi chumps,

I’ve had a bit of a problem here lately with cyberbullies. I’m not talking about trolls, although of course, they’re delightful too. I’m talking about your wing nut exes who cyberstalk you, know your screen names, or have some nefarious way of finding out what you’re up to online.

So, a word of caution — don’t use your full name here ever, use a clever screen name.

And a word of courage — don’t stop speaking your truth.

There are some assholes who are very threatened by your narrative. Fuck them. It’s your story. Tell it. Part of taking your power back is refusing  to be cowed by mindfuckery. Drag what happened into the sunlight. Share your story. Allow yourself the comfort that comes from a community of people who get it because they lived it too. Don’t let the wing nuts win.

I hate bullies and I hate censorship. (I’m sure you’ve all noticed my potty mouth.) 

When I was a young person living in South Africa for a year during apartheid, I read the frequently banned newspaper The Weekly Mail. There was censorship then and it was always interesting to see how the Weekly Mail dealt with it. Do they just shut the paper down? Publish the fluffy, inoffensive stuff? Or do they… publish the entire newspaper with the bad stuff blacked out, so we can see exactly how much is being censored? Yep, they published the blacked out newspaper stories, which I thought was a brilliant fuck you.

So taking my inspiration from that, I’ll tell you what prompted today’s post, removing any telling details that might get me sued (although really? I’m married to a brilliant trial lawyer), i.e, the outlines of a story with the telling bits blacked out. A friend messaged me to say:

Heads up: I’m not sure how but [Fuckwit] found your blog and knows that I have left comments there. Based on his email to me about the “loads of crap” there, I just wanted to make sure you were on the lookout for trolls. He does tend to take out his massive anger with a barrage of foul verbiage at me so I am sure he might do that elsewhere as well.

I’m sure this is all part of a larger intimidation campaign to show her who’s boss. I Know What You Say About Me! I’m watching you and you’re in trouble and oooh aren’t you scared?

God, I hate these idiots. I’ve been cyberstalked by my ex. (Both of them.) Had my anonymous postings on an infidelity board read out loud to me in a custody trial. Didn’t win any favor with the judge, btw, he had his ass handed to him as usual. But I got the intention — to humiliate me. Let me know I didn’t have a safe place. I was being watched.

So another person wrote to say her ex filed a motion because of something she wrote here. Wanted to have her thrown in jail before a hearing, demanded she take it down, lest someone find out it was her, connect it to him, and know that hey, he’s a cheating fuckwit. She has a lawyer, is handling it all just fine, and asked very kindly that I change her name. So I did.

That wasn’t enough. He wanted the entire comment taken down, not just her name. (As the comments that get posted here go, I have to say it was pretty mild. There are over 50,000 comments on this site, 49,999 of them more incendiary than this one.) But okay, I took it down. For her. So this asshole will quit bothering her.

But I have a little message for all you tinpot dictators out there — and you know who you are — we’re not going to shut up

You may get your chump to take their comments down, you might cyberstalk them, intimidate them, run up their legal bills, but your karma follows you, asshole.

It’s the tree that falls on your house. It’s the judge who sees through your shit. It’s the cheaterville profile some spurned affair partner posted.  It’s the nagging feeling that follows you every day that your mask is slipping. That people are on to you. The sparkle isn’t working anymore and the smear campaign is backfiring.

The sugar frosting has slipped off your turd, dear.

Oh, I know it’s making you twitchy and paranoid. And being such a narcissist, you think every post here is about YOU. You don’t realize what every chump here knows — that you’re all of a type. You’re all so pathetically banal and common. You think your porn habit/other man/other woman/Craigslist hookups/soul mate/fuckfest/double life is edgy and unique. That you’re a special snowflake deserving of special considerations with a special story. Christ, I can’t tell any of you apart and neither can anyone else. So chill the fuck out. 

You lost. You don’t control your chump any more. You don’t control the narrative.

I know you’re going to have a fit about that, rage and then go into spasms of self pity to bring your chump back into line. (How could you DO this to me! Consider the children!) It’s not our jobs to protect your image. You need to let it go. We know what you are and what you did, and we’re going to tell anyone we care to.

Here’s a little turnabout for you — You’re not the boss of us.

Oh and me? I‘m drawing pictures of you. This is you:


And this is you:



And this is you:


And this is you:

I'm not defined

And this is you:

Serial cheater

And this is you:


And this:


And this too:


And people send me material EVERY SINGLE DAY! There’s a whole chorus of chumps out there singing, pointing, and making fun of your dick. So get used to it, Fuckwits. Should’ve thought of that before you cheated. If it’s not so bad to do, it’s not so bad for me to draw a cartoon about it.

Chump Nation is rising. Watch your back.


Dear Chump Lady, My kids have never met the OW

April 22, 2014

Dear Chump Lady, My ex is getting married on April 21. That in itself is not a huge surprise. There is a part of me that thinks “haha suffer!” But I guess there is a part of me that thinks something different. Maybe I am jealous, not that I want him back, but I am […]

Read the full article →

When Unicorns Meet Ashley Madison…

April 20, 2014

Lots of you sent me that article on Yahoo news last week: “For the Thrill of the Affair — Why Married Women Cheat.” As expected, it was full of familiar little character studies. (I wonder… do you need character to be a study?) The sophisticated cheaters —  the sort that sit “bored” and alone in […]

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Bitter Bunnies for Easter…

April 19, 2014

You asked and you have received. Bitter bunny is now yours.   It comes in various commercial variations (coffee mug, whatever other gizmo CafePress sells). Support the blog. Flaunt your bitterness. Happy Easter!

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The Forgiveness Trolls

April 18, 2014

Hey guys, today you get a twofer! Tomorrow is the Chump Lady blog birthday — two years old and teetering on 2 million views. (I think it’s going to be Sunday, but not sure.) It’s Easter weekend, so you get this long post with cartoons and I’m taking a little break. I’ll be back Monday […]

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Dear Chump Lady, I wish I’d filed

April 18, 2014

Hi Chump Lady, So I have dealt with this mess awhile as I have health issues and an idiot alcoholic. I am finally on Prozac, which I am angry about having to be on as I like to be real in my life, but anyway. I wanted to give you a tidbit of stupidness that […]

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Translating Other Woman-ese

April 17, 2014

So I was checking my links, and someone posted a comment to my site on this article written by an Other Woman at the Experience Project. It’s from a couple years ago, so God knows how it worked out with her and her soulmate schmoopie, but the letter was so execrable I thought it deserved […]

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So Sad When Cheater Loves Goes Bad

April 16, 2014

Chumps are not above enjoying some celebrity cheater Schadenfreude. This news video tidbit sent to me by alert member of Chump Nation, Chris Dirico. Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott — who cheated on their former spouses to find marital bliss with each other — are having marital troubles! Chumps, I know it will surprise you […]

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Stupidest Blameshifting You Got?

April 15, 2014

According to Andrew G. Marshall, some of the forces that compel cheaters to cheat are nagging and childrearing. Yesterday, “blue” recounted that her husband told her he cheated on her because…. she didn’t shave her armpits. God, are cheaters reduced to such thin soup as ARM PITS? Really? That’s the best blameshifting you got? So […]

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